16 Nov
Elizabeth Kowalik, MSW, LCSW, CCTP EMDR, trauma

Trauma: Understanding Your Experience and Winning the Adversity Contest

After an EMDR therapy session, a client turned to me and said, “Time to go back out there and pretend to be normal like everyone else.” Without thinking, I replied, “Yep, and then they’ll come here for their own few minutes of safety before going back out to fool you, too.” We both laughed—an easy moment in a therapeutic relationship built on honesty. But we both knew there was truth beneath the humor.

As I packed up my EMDR equipment, preparing the space for the next person seeking safety, I dropped my folder of session worksheets. They scattered across the floor, each one containing only a few words to label the stories clients had shared: “abuse,” “accident,” “cancer,” “divorce,” and, sometimes, more cryptic entries like “the dance,” “Christmas wreath,” or “car ride.” No names, just triggers—a shorthand for experiences that had marked their lives. While each story varied in detail, one theme was consistent: the powerful, lasting emotions that stemmed from these events.

Trauma is not simply what happens to us; it’s how we perceive what has happened, how we interpret its meaning, and how it shapes our sense of self. Trauma reflects what we’ve learned about our place in the world.

Clinical Trauma and Its Impact

Clinical trauma isn’t about the specific events or experiences we went through; it’s about how our brain and body responded to those experiences. Trauma is often thought of as something that happened, but what didn’t happen can be just as impactful—particularly in childhood. Trauma can be triggered by overt causes, such as domestic violence, divorce, loss of a loved one, abuse, or deprivation of basic needs. But it can also stem from covert causes, which are more subtle yet equally powerful: a lack of affection, inconsistent boundaries, frequent moves, emotional instability in the home, or an environment filled with shame or guilt.

As trauma survivors, part of our coping mechanisms often include minimizing or downplaying what we went through. We might think, “Others have gone through worse,” “They didn’t mean to hurt me,” or “I just need to get over it.” Sometimes, acknowledging trauma can feel disloyal, especially if those who failed to meet our needs are people we love: “They did the best they could,” “They were better than their parents,” or “They loved me in their own way.” But these rationalizations can be damaging, obscuring the effects of attachment trauma and making it harder to understand why we struggle in adult relationships. Without an obvious cause, we may even start to believe that we are the problem—that we’re somehow flawed or broken.

Healing Trauma and EMDR Therapy

Healing from trauma involves recognizing that two truths can coexist: The people who raised me cared for me, and my needs weren’t fully met. Acknowledging this reality allows us to nurture ourselves in ways we may have missed, change our self-perception, and reduce our reactivity to perceived emotional threats.

A powerful approach to trauma healing is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). EMDR is a specialized therapeutic process that activates both hemispheres of the brain, engaging the primal fear response while reducing the involvement of higher-order reasoning. This process allows clients to access negative core beliefs and identify how these beliefs manifest in the body, thoughts, and behaviors. Part of the EMDR protocol involves identifying a negative core belief, targeting a memory associated with that belief, and integrating a positive belief into that memory.

Each Story Deserves to Be Told

I remember my clients’ stories—the details they share, the moments that cause them to look away or where their voices crack. I remember the humor, the sadness, the resilience in every story. Not one person’s experience is more or less valid than another’s. No one’s trauma is “too dramatic” or “not bad enough.” Every person deserves the right to feel safe, confident, and whole. Trauma isn’t a contest of adversity; it’s an individual journey. We don’t need to dismiss our pain because someone else may have had it worse. Just as someone has had it worse, someone else has had it better.

For more information about EMDR therapy, explore “Wrapping Our Minds Around EMDR” by Elizabeth Kowalik.

 

16 Nov
West County Behavioral Health
Jamie Caldwell, MSW, LMSW Busy family, Family, Help with teens

The Motherload of Perfectionism: Navigating Holiday Pressures as Moms

By: Jamie Caldwell, MSW, LMSW

With the holiday season quickly approaching, we often view this time of year as a time of celebration filled with joy, warmth, and family togetherness. Yet for many mothers, it can feel like a whirlwind of pressure to create the “perfect” holiday experience. This quest for perfection can lead to stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. As a mental health therapist and a mother of three, I want to shed light on perfectionism among moms during the holidays and offer practical strategies to help ease these burdens.

Perfectionism is the belief that one must meet extraordinarily high standards, viewing anything less than perfect as failure. For mothers, this often translates into striving for a flawless holiday—whether it’s preparing the ultimate festive meal, selecting thoughtful gifts, or establishing unforgettable family traditions. While aiming for excellence can be motivating, it can also create significant stress and disappointment.

The Consequences of Perfectionism

Heightened Stress and Anxiety: The pressure to achieve a ideal holiday can lead to increased stress levels. Mothers may find themselves juggling an unrealistic number of responsibilities and feeling overwhelmed by their own expectations.

Feelings of Inadequacy: When perfection is the goal, even small setbacks can trigger feelings of failure, adversely affecting a mother’s self-esteem and mental health.

Strained Family Dynamics: The pursuit of perfection can put a strain on family relationships. Children might feel pressured to meet their mother’s high expectations, while spouses may feel overlooked or criticized.

While many of us struggle with perfectionism year-round, there are strategies that can help combat these feelings of inadequacy, increased stress and anxiety that often puts stain on our most valued relationships. 

Strategies for Managing Holiday Perfectionism

Set Realistic Goals: Understand that perfection is impossible. Instead of striving for an ideal holiday, turn the focus towards creating meaningful moments. Concentrate on realistic, achievable goals that allow for flexibility and spontaneity.

Embrace Self-Compassion: Be gentle and give yourself some grace. It’s okay not to have everything under control. Reflect and allow time for self-care – as it is when we accept the imperfections of life that we are often led to the most memorable experiences.

Delegate Tasks: Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Involve family members in holiday preparations, whether it’s cooking, decorating, or planning activities. Sharing tasks can reduce pressure while providing an opportunity for family connection, increasing enthusiasm and providing a sense of empowerment for those who may not have been as involved in the past. 

Prioritize Connection Over Perfection: Shift your focus from achieving perfection to fostering connection. Spend quality time with loved ones, engage in heartfelt conversations, and create lasting memories, which often bring more fulfillment than an ideal holiday setup.

Limit Social Media Comparisons: Social media can amplify feelings of inadequacy as we compare our realities to others’ seemingly perfect holiday depictions. Consider taking a break from social platforms or curating your feed to include positive content.

Reflect on Achievements: At the end of the holiday season, take time to reflect on what went well, what you enjoyed, and how to celebrate those moments. Recognizing your achievements, no matter how small, can encourage a sense of accomplishment.

The holiday season should be about joy and connection, not a source of stress and burden. By recognizing and addressing perfectionism, mothers can cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling holiday experience, not only for themselves, but also for their family. Remember, the most cherished memories often arise from life’s imperfections and the genuine moments shared with loved ones. Embrace the beauty of the season as it unfolds and allow yourself to enjoy the journey without the weight of perfectionism.

 

04 Nov
Cari McKnight MSW LCSW Busy family, Family, Help with teens, Teen Stress, Therapy

Overwhelmed! Maintaining Balance and Connection in a Busy Family

By Cari McKnight, MSW, LCSW

 

It starts with the best of intentions. Your daughter expresses an interest in playing soccer, so
you sign her up at 4 years old.  You want to make sure she starts early, so she doesn’t get left
behind. Pretty soon, you sign her up for Girl Scouts, a wholesome activity that builds
character, right? Next, you enroll her in piano lessons – you think that you should expose her to
an instrument as you want to make sure that she well rounded.

As time goes by and her friends start different activities, you want to give her those same
opportunities… so you let her join the softball team. Then she wants to try basketball, so you let
her do that too. Before long, you realize that if she is going to have any chance of playing
soccer long term, she had better get on a select club team to be challenged and get good
coaching. You soon realize that a club team is a big commitment – it is year-round, they practice
twice a week and have tournaments every weekend – but you feel it is worth it because you
want her to be able to play in high school, at the very least. You don’t mind letting her do a few
clubs after school also, because you want to keep her occupied after school (we all know what
happens to kids with too much free time!), and besides, it will look good on a college application.

One day you wake up and look at your calendar and feel paralyzed: she has basketball and
drama club on Mondays, soccer practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays, piano and Girl Scouts on
Wednesdays, yearbook club on Fridays, and tournaments every weekend, some out of town.
This doesn’t even count homework or school projects. And this is only one child…

Todays youth are stressed as never before. Academically, our children have shorter summers,
fewer free periods, tougher grading standards, and are taking more college level classes in high
school, etc. Athletically, kids are encouraged to be on competitive travel teams that run year-
round (vs. just seasonally), specialize at young ages, have games at 10 pm some nights, etc.
Socially, there is pressure to be available at all times – the constant buzz of cell phones,
interruptions from texts at all hours of the night, etc. sets up an expectation that our children
should always be responding to texts and participating on social media.  It is very easy for both
kids and parents to feel completely overwhelmed and out of balance.

We ask ourselves – how did we get here? There are a few societal reasons that have combined
to create this insidious phenomenon. First of all, we have been inundated with the message that
the world is a dangerous place for kids these days. This has inspired a knee jerk reaction to
make sure kids are involved in structured activities instead of just letting them have free play
time after school. While these fears are well founded in some areas, this has extended into
many areas where crime is rare or nonexistent. In addition, we have also learned to be fearful

that our children will miss out or be left behind. This fuels early, intense involvement in activities,
as many parents fear that if they delay starting a sport or a musical instrument that their child
may never be able to compete.

On top of all of this, because we have heard the message that colleges are looking for "well
rounded" applicants, we can fall into the trap of thinking the busier our children are, the better
job we are doing as parents.  Overall, there is just a general increased pressure on our children
to achieve – from knowing their alphabet and colors before school, to being expected to be on
the select teams at a young age, to worrying about what colleges will accept them (far earlier
than is necessary) – our youth are very driven by their achievements and resume of activities.

No doubt, most parents usually just want what seems best for their kids. Even when intentions
are good, though, kids can easily become overscheduled. The pressure to participate in a
handful of activities all the time and to can be physically and emotionally exhausting
for parents and kids alike, and can leave us all feeling disconnected.
Sooner or later, kids who are too busy will begin to show signs.

Every child is different, but overscheduled kids may exhibit these red flags:
 feel tired, anxious, or depressed
 complain of headaches and stomachaches, which may be due to stress, missed meals,
or lack of sleep
 fall behind on their schoolwork, causing their grades to drop
 want to drop out of previously enjoyed activities
 difficulty making, keeping, or enjoying the company of their friends
 a reluctance or refusal to go to school or get out of bed
 self-harming behaviors or thoughts of suicide
It is important to pay attention, as the effects of being out of balance can be far reaching and
impact all of us. Individually, we are more prone to both mental and physical illness when we are
stressed and overwhelmed. Our cortisol levels increase – which physically shrinks the
hippocampus, one of the memory centers of the brain. Cortisol affects our white blood cell
functioning, and we end up sicker more often. Elevated cortisol also negatively impacts
serotonin (a brain chemical key to depression and anxiety). We end up with tired, irritable kids
who aren’t learning as easily and who are more and more dependent upon us because they are
not able to successfully manage their own lives independently.

Family life also can suffer – when one parent is driving to basketball practice and the other is
carpooling to dance class, meals are missed. As a result, some families rarely eat dinner

together and may not take the extra time to stay connected. Plus, the weekly grind of driving
kids all over the place and getting to one class, game, or practice after another can be
downright tiresome and stressful for parents. This can all impact the connection between kids
and parents, and between couples as well. We can easily end up feeling very disconnected
from one another… this can lead to poor communication, being out of touch with kids lives, and
marital struggles.

SIMPLE SUGGESTIONS TO MAINTAIN BALANCE:
 Agree on ground rules ahead of time. For instance, plan on kids playing one sport per
season or limit activities to two afternoons or evenings during the school week. This may
make for some difficult choices, but this is one way to keep a balance.
 Know how much time is required before committing to an activity. For example, will there
be time to practice between lessons? Does your child realize that soccer practice is
twice a week, right after school until dinnertime? Then theres the weekly game to
consider, too. Is travel involved? Be very clear about expectations as you make
decisions to join a new team, musical, or activity.
 Keep a calendar to stay organized. Display it on the refrigerator or other prominent spot
so that everybody can stay up-to-date. And if you find an empty space on the calendar,
leave it alone!
 Create structured family time. If you’re eating fast food on the run every night, plan a
few dinners when everyone can be home at the same time, even if it means eating a
little later. Numerous studies have shown that families who eat dinner together report
stronger relationships and better grades. According to a study by the National Center on
Addiction and Abuse at Columbia University, kids and teens who eat dinner with their
families at least five times a week have a much lower risk of substance abuse. Schedule
family fun time, too, whether it’s playing a board game or going on bike ride or hike. We
can easily forget or underestimate the importance of family connection in protecting our
children.
 Take charge of technology! Set up a central family charging station so that our children
can turn in technology each night. This helps kids set a boundary with their peers – for
example, no phones after 9 pm.  In addition, it keeps kids from being disturbed in the
night, and also helps prevent them from making poor choices online late at night.
 Try to carpool with other parents to make life easier, and to free up more time for our
other children, spouse, and/or ourselves. When you do end up driving, turn off the radio
and use the time to TALK. Kids frequently open up while you are driving and they arent looking at you… it can be a surprisingly good time to connect.
 Build in time to do things for yourself. It is important to make some time for ourselves –
whether we make time to read, take a walk, chat with a friend, or whatever works – we
need to do this so we don’t get too burned out.
 Help your children set priorities. If kids start struggling academically, they may need to
drop an activity. Or, consider avoiding some AP classes if students can’t keep up at that

pace. But while school is a priority, remember to not let the focus be all about academic
achievement. We need to have talks with our kids about finding a balance – let them
make choices about where to put their energy. Let them know that taking care of
themselves (having some free time, being involved in some other activities) is at least as
important as making that 4.0 that they are striving for.  So many young people are
obsessed with having straight A’s that they start developing anxiety
and perfectionist tendencies. Help your children see that having balance and stable
mental health is important for the big picture of their lives, and that they are valued for
who they are, not what they achieve. Assure them that their performance does not
define them!
 Know when to say no. If your child is already doing a lot but really wants to take on
another activity, discuss what other activity or activities need to be dropped to make
room for the new one. And don’t be afraid to set boundaries to protect your family time! It
is perfectly ok to say no to a practice or game when you want to protect your family time
(ie. traditional family activities around holiday times, weekends to lake, family gatherings,
etc.). Let children see that it is acceptable to make family connection a priority!

Essentially, it comes down to realizing that it is our job, as parents, to protect our children and
families. We need to be brave enough to set boundaries and take the lead on this. While this is
a cultural struggle, it is up to us as individuals to start drawing the lines and take back our
families. We can't expect change unless it begins at home. We need to give our children the
message that they are not defined by their achievements, as society is telling them that they
very much are. And, while many of us are fearful that if we miss games or don’t feed into the
societal expectations that our children will pay the price, it could be argued that the price our
kids pay is much greater if we do nothing. Our children need us, they need their families. Let's
show them that we will make that the priority!

03 Oct
Meagan Gerchan, MSW, LCSW Busy family

Sun’s Out, Structure’s In

By Meagen Gerchen, MSW, LCSW

 

Summer is full of fun, sunshine, and vacations. It can also be very stressful for many families.
Without the structure and schedule of the school week, many parents struggle to keep their
families engaged and active throughout the summer months. Humans thrive on structure, and
we need to do our best to maintain one – no matter what time of year. Here are some tips to
keep yourself and your family in a structure throughout the summer months…
1. Create a summer schedule. The more visual reminders the better! You could use a
whiteboard on your family’s refrigerator, a physical planner for yourself, or potentially an
application on your phone to keep track of the plans you have throughout the week. You
could even set reminders on your phone as well for appointment or task reminders. It
may give you or your child joy to check off the tasks on this list or check off a box next to
it to show what you have accomplished!
2. Ongoing activities and routines are important. Adults continue to have their work
schedules throughout the year; however, it is different for children. Look into ongoing
summer, sports, and camps for them to continue to have structure and childcare
throughout the summer. If that is not financially possible, look into ongoing play dates
with other peers to continue to stay busy throughout the day.
3. Make sure to include chores and responsibilities in the summer schedule. It is important
to remind yourself and your children that responsibilities are year-round. It could be
beneficial to chat with them about chores that are expected of them weekly and make
visual reminders, so they know what to expect for the upcoming week. Kids truly do
thrive when they have some consistency and structure.
4. Continue to prioritize your physical needs. It is important to get at least 7-8 hours of
sleep, have healthy meals, and have enough water throughout the day. Even though it
can be very tempting to just let kiddos regularly stay up really late and eat junk food
because it is summer break, try to keep your bedtimes and mealtimes as consistent as
you can. You want to ensure that you still prioritize your and your family’s health and give
yourself energy throughout the day.
5. Take time for self-care, even if this is 30 minutes to an hour a day. It is important to do
activities for yourself. Self-care is establishing behaviors to ensure holistic well-being.
Self-care can be taking a nap, exercising, spending time with friends, reading, or
engaging in hobbies that you enjoy.
All in all, remember to be kind and compassionate towards yourself too! There are so many
roles that we carry as humans such as professionals, parents, family members, board
members, students, and members of our community. Try not to put pressure on you and your
family to be perfect!  However, you can try to remain consistent in some of these aspects. Most
importantly, don’t forget to enjoy yourselves over these next few months ahead!

03 Oct
Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Development, Family, Help with teens, Life Transitions, Motivation, Teen Stress, Therapy

Back To School Acknowledging and Understanding School Stress

By Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW

“Back to School”… three words that typically hold some level of both excitement and worry for children and parents alike. Parents are excited for some return to “normalcy” while also feeling worried about all the new hurdles the school year could hold for their family. Children on the other hand are usually excited to see friends but also aware that going back to school might mean more stress or anxiety in their life. It’s safe to say that school stress is a very real thing for both children and their adult caregivers. 

 

So, what do we do with these mixed emotions about going back to school? Specifically, the feelings that are causing us some level of emotional discomfort.  The answer here is to first acknowledge it. Acknowledging these feelings allows us to start to process them. For adults, we may be able to acknowledge these emotions on our own but for some children, guidance may be needed in starting this conversation and self-reflection. As the adult, it is encouraged to provide a safe emotional space for your child to discuss how they are feeling about going back to school. A safe emotional space is created by using active listening and non-critical conversation. It is also important to recognize the importance of not trying to “fix it” but more so being present with the child as they acknowledge these feelings that exist. Practice sitting in the uncomfortableness of these feelings together. Acknowledge the feelings then move forward to processing. 

 

When we think about processing our back-to-school emotions, specifically the negative ones, we can benefit from writing them down. After writing down our worries or concerns we can prioritize them to determine which worries hold the most weight for us or are causing the largest amount of stress. We then tackle those “big worries” first. Many

times, children’s worries are about the unknown or based on past school experiences. With some problem-solving skills, together, you can support your child in answering questions or figuring out who they can go to if they need more clarification about something. Some questions may not have quick or easy answers. If that is the case, it’s important to consider what strategies could be used to reduce anxiety when there is a lingering “unknown”. Many times, when there are too many “unknowns” for children they begin to show signs of needing more control through undesired behaviors. Answering questions and providing a space to figure out as many stressors as possible can reduce some of that back-to-school anxiety as well as a potential increased need for control.

 

It’s important for parents and caregivers to remember that children’s brains are still learning how to navigate difficult or confusing transitions. They need frequent guidance and support in learning how to handle difficult emotions and situations in a healthy way. School can be looked at as a child’s full-time job. They are there 7-8 hours a day Monday through Friday. They have expectations they are expected to meet and are evaluated daily on their performance and increase in skill. They may encounter peer struggles and have difficult or confusing interactions with their teachers. For most adults, the demand of their job is at times stressful so it’s only natural that children would feel this way too about their “job”.  Considering this perspective allows us, adults, to have ongoing empathy for a child and their return to school. It helps parents and teachers understand how children may be viewing school and the stress related to it. 

 

With this said, it is also important that parents and educators are taking appropriate measures to handle their own

back-to-school stress. Believe it or not, using the same strategies as noted above for supporting children, will also help you.  Acknowledge the emotion and allow yourself space to process it with a friend, spouse, family member, or therapist. Then begin to problem solve to the best of your ability. Recognize what you DO have control of and what may take some time to figure out. For example, one thing parents do have control over is how they discuss their own back-to-school stress in front of children. It’s important to be mindful of the way adults talk about school as it can set the tone for a child’s opinion of it too.

 

By acknowledging and processing back-to-school feelings, you are allowing yourself and your child the opportunity to understand both the thoughts and the feelings that are currently present. When we can better understand our thoughts and feelings, we are more in tune with what supports or strategies we may need to utilize to get us through the situation at hand. School is undoubtedly both a source of happiness and stress for children and parents. By working together, the upcoming school year can be approached with courage, optimism, and excitement for all of the good things this year could bring. 

 

03 Oct
Meagan Gerchan, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Difficult Conversations, Family, Help with teens, Teen Stress, Therapy

Maintaining Connection : How To Better Connect With Your Kids

By Meagen Gerchen, MSW, LCSW

 

Children are reaching new milestones every day, and it leaves parents thinking about how they
can continue to celebrate and connect with them each step of the way. I often find many families
coming into therapy sessions asking, “How do I get my child to talk with me?” or “How did I
miss what was happening in their life?” Here is a guide to help parents and guardians feel better
about knowing how to start a conversation and create a space to connect with their kids.
In all relationships, it’s important to have effective communication. Effective communication can
help us understand how others are thinking and feeling, and most importantly what the other
person needs. Here are five key points to remember:
Create a time to check in. This could be a conversation on the way to school, before dropping
them off at a sports practice, or as they are getting ready for bed. It’s a time in which you are
giving them your undivided attention to allow them to share. You can start the conversation by
simply asking “How was your day?” or “How have you been feeling?” and creating time to
listen. This is typically a 5-10 minute conversation that can happen throughout the week.  It’s
important to lead with open-ended questions to encourage them to say more than just a “yes” or
“no” response. I always encourage having check-ins throughout the week, since feelings,
thoughts, and new situations can change and happen frequently.
Allow yourself to listen to your child. It’s important to give your child the space to express
themselves without any interruptions. Put away distractions (such as your cell phone or doing
another task), maintain eye contact with them, and show a genuine interest in what they have to
share with you. This allows time for them to engage in a conversation with you. If they are not in
the mood to share, that’s okay; however, when they do want to share, you need to be fully
present and open to listening.
Use Positive Affirmations. This is another important piece to provide positivity to your child.
They will feel validated when you use kind and uplifting language instead of criticizing or
critiquing words. Try to congratulate them on their accomplishments (no matter how big or
small). When your child feels validated, they will be more likely to communicate with you.
Create a judgment-free zone. It’s important to be open and allow your child to share and
express themselves, even if you may not agree with them. Let your child know that they can
come to you without any fear of judgment or punishment. They will feel more comfortable
talking with you if they know it’s not a threatening environment.
Do an Activity Together. Find something you have in common to do together. This can be
something as simple as playing a card game or board game at home, going outside for a walk,
sharing a meal, or sharing an experience.  This will take planning, but there can be big rewards
for having one-on-one time together.

It is worth taking the time to try to work on communication skills to improve your relationships
with your children, but also with the other people around you! If you are feeling stuck, there are
various ways to strengthen your communication skills with the help of a therapist. In addition,
here are some great books I would recommend:
How to Talk to Kids So They Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk – Adele Faber and Elaine
Mazlish
The Art of Talking with Children: The Simple Keys to Nurturing Kindness, Creativity, and
Confidence

 

 

10 Jun
Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW Therapy

The Emotional Undercurrents of Thirst Trap Postings

By Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW, CM


Most of us have seen that person on social media who posts provocative photos or pictures that seem to be screaming for attention. But have you ever wondered WHY people post those pictures?

In the digital age, social media has become a canvas for self-expression, and for many, that includes sharing thirst traps. Defined as posts intended to attract attention or elicit desire, thirst traps often feature carefully curated images designed to showcase physical attractiveness. However, beneath the surface lies a complex interplay of emotions and motivations.

Seeking Validation

At its core, thirst trap posting often stems from a desire for validation. In a world where likes, comments, and followers equate to social currency, receiving positive feedback can provide a fleeting sense of worthiness and affirmation. Each like becomes a validation of one’s attractiveness, feeding into a cycle of seeking external approval.

Boosting Self-Esteem

For some, thirst traps serve as a means of bolstering self-esteem. By garnering attention and admiration, individuals may temporarily alleviate insecurities about their appearance or desirability. The rush of dopamine from positive feedback can momentarily mask underlying feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.

Empowerment and Agency

However, thirst trap posting isn’t solely driven by validation-seeking behavior. Many individuals view it as a form of empowerment and reclaiming agency over their bodies. By unapologetically showcasing their physicality, they challenge societal norms and embrace their sexuality on their own terms. It’s a way of asserting control over how they’re perceived and rejecting shame or judgment.

Loneliness and Connection

In an increasingly disconnected world, thirst traps can also serve as a means of seeking connection. Behind the carefully crafted images lie genuine human desires for intimacy and companionship. Likes and flirtatious comments may provide fleeting moments of interaction and validation of one’s desirability, offering a brief respite from feelings of loneliness or isolation.

Vulnerability and Insecurity

Despite the outward appearance of confidence, many individuals grapple with vulnerability and insecurity when sharing thirst traps. Behind the polished facade lies a fear of rejection or criticism. The decision to put oneself out there in such a public manner requires a willingness to be seen and judged, making each post a potentially nerve-wracking experience.

In conclusion, thirst trap postings are a multifaceted phenomenon, driven by a myriad of emotions and motivations. While they may appear superficial on the surface, they often serve as a reflection of deeper psychological needs and desires. Whether seeking validation, empowerment, connection, or simply a boost in self-esteem, individuals navigate a complex landscape of emotions with each post. Understanding the emotional undercurrents behind thirst traps sheds light on the complexities of human nature in the digital age.

26 May
Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Difficult Conversations, Family, Grief

When Life Throws Us a Curveball: Redefining Ourselves Through Unexpected Life Transitions

By Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW

As with so many Americans, Covid-19 completely changed Matthew S.’s life. Matt was a hard-working 30-something who worked in sales until April 2020, when he lost his job due to Covid-19. He took this unexpected loss incredibly hard. After having been unable to finish college and struggling to find a job, Matt had felt lucky to land that sales position and had been there four years before Covid hit. He had just saved enough money to put a down payment on a home. In the spring of 2020, he now had a mortgage, a wife, and a baby on the way, with no income and, in his mind, no true career path to fall back on. Matt faced an unexpected, difficult life transition that challenged him to rely on his support, reconsider his priorities, and re-imagine his future.
As one of the most challenging years in our collective history comes to an end and a new year begins, many people are looking back on the ways the year 2020 shaped them. For a lot of us, including Matt in the example above, this means reflecting on the circumstances that forced us to grow in unexpected ways. Those circumstances could have been job loss, challenges in relationships, caring for a sick or dying loved one, figuring out new routines within the home, remote education for our kids, or any number of other truly difficult experiences. 2020 has forced so many people to redefine who they are or who they may need to be in the coming months and years.
There are times in every person’s life when one is faced with transitioning into a new phase of their journey. For some, these are planned or natural transitions such as school, marriage, children, career advancements, etc. However, there are also many times when we are forced to face unforeseen, unplanned, and often difficult, life changes. These trying times are typically the moments that challenge us both physically and mentally, requiring us to grow and redefine ourselves in previously unimagined ways.
While natural life transitions are typically manageable, these unexpected changes can cause tremendous amounts of stress, anxiety, and fear. What do we do when we are faced with having to make life decisions we may not feel we have adequate answers to? How do we cope with the stresses these transitions bring? How do we not lose ourselves as we grow in these experiences? Simply put, how do we move forward?
There may not always be an easy answer to these questions, but the concepts below are a good place to start.
Identify a Support System – During difficult times, it is essential to know who we can count on to support physical and emotional needs as they arise. Connect with those supports often and directly communicate the desire to be there for one another through these transitions.
Become Informed – Many times during life changes, we will be asked to face the unfamiliar. It is important to become informed and well-educated on options and facts regarding the situation at hand.
Ask for Help – Whether it be a trusted friend or family member within your identified support system or a trained professional, recognize the importance of asking for help. Know that you are not alone on this journey and there is always someone who can walk with you if you are willing to let them. Asking for help is never a sign of weakness; it is always a sign of strength.
Make Time for Yourself – If you have been placed in a position where you are now taking on a new role in life, it is so important to keep the things that make, you in your daily routine. Make time for yourself and the things that bring you joy. In high-stress times, we should be purposeful in prioritizing our needs as individuals. When redefining ourselves we must always find ways to keep who we are at our core alive and well.
Allow Yourself Space to Grow – Full transitions don’t often happen overnight. There is a process of learning, changing, and growing. Be kind to yourself during this process. Allow yourself time to shift gears and figure things out. If you must make a difficult decision quickly, remember that many changes can be temporary if needed. Do the best you can and give yourself intentional grace during these times.
Know It’s Okay to Not Feel Okay Sometimes – As a society, it often seems frowned upon to be open and honest that one is struggling. There may not be a better time to break that stigma. A large number of people are really struggling right now, in one capacity or another. Have empathy for others and yourself.
Get Help for Depression or Anxiety – While it’s normal and okay to feel down sometimes, it is also important to recognize if you are having increased feelings of “not being okay” or if you have been experiencing negative or harmful thoughts for extended periods of time. Take this as a sign and opportunity to reach out for help from your doctor or mental health professional.
Seek Hope – When we are thrown into the unknown, there is so much uncertainty. Many times this can become incredibly overwhelming and cause us to lack hope for the future. In these moments it’s important to seek hope. Find things that you can look forward to. Create goals for your future, things you want to do or accomplish. Intently look for positives throughout your day. It may be as simple as acknowledging the sun is shining, but over time finding these small glimpses of hope and joy will wire your brain to more optimistic ways of thinking.
Consider “Kintsugi” as a Metaphor for Transition- Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with melted gold. The concept is built on the idea that, by embracing flaws and imperfections, we can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.
While the year 2020 was, for many, a year of uncertainty, fear, grief, and change, we must remember that it was also a year where we gained strength and resilience. It has set us up to be much more equipped to work through any challenging transitions we may face in years to come. We may at times still feel broken, but, just like the Japanese art of Kintsugi, we are allowed to use our brokenness to create something new that has meaning.
Together we can choose to see the beauty in the broken. We can lean on one another to be the golden glue when we feel disconnected. Dare we suggest that this could even be the silver lining in redefining ourselves during difficult life transitions?
This idea that we are asked to keep all the pieces of ourselves and shift them into something new is a unique request. It is often a difficult task, but the opportunity to mold ourselves into someone that has grown in strength and resilience is a very powerful thing. With the new year comes the renewed understanding that we are still beautifully crafted individuals. We can find peace in knowing that we are capable of facing the curveballs life will throw our way and we can find hope in believing we are worthy, more than ever, of the promises our future holds.
22 May
Meagan Gerchan, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Family, Help with teens, Life Transitions, Teen Stress

Sun’s Out, Structure’s In

By Meagan Gerchen MSW, LCSW

 

Summer is full of fun, sunshine, and vacations. It can also be very stressful for many families.
Without the structure and schedule of the school week, many parents struggle to keep their
families engaged and active throughout the summer months. Humans thrive on structure, and
we need to do our best to maintain one – no matter what time of year. Here are some tips to
keep yourself and your family in a structure throughout the summer months…

1. Create a summer schedule. The more visual reminders the better! You could use a
whiteboard on your family’s refrigerator, a physical planner for yourself, or potentially an
application on your phone to keep track of the plans you have throughout the week. You
could even set reminders on your phone as well for appointment or task reminders. It
may give you or your child joy to check off the tasks on this list or check off a box next to
it to show what you have accomplished!

2. Ongoing activities and routines are important. Adults continue to have their work
schedules throughout the year; however, it is different for children. Look into ongoing
summer, sports, and camps for them to continue to have structure and childcare
throughout the summer. If that is not financially possible, look into ongoing play dates
with other peers to continue to stay busy throughout the day.

3. Make sure to include chores and responsibilities in the summer schedule. It is important
to remind yourself and your children that responsibilities are year-round. It could be
beneficial to chat with them about chores that are expected of them weekly and make
visual reminders, so they know what to expect for the upcoming week. Kids truly do
thrive when they have some consistency and structure.

4. Continue to prioritize your physical needs. It is important to get at least 7-8 hours of
sleep, have healthy meals, and have enough water throughout the day. Even though it
can be very tempting to just let kiddos regularly stay up really late and eat junk food
because it is summer break, try to keep your bedtimes and mealtimes as consistent as
you can. You want to ensure that you still prioritize your and your family’s health and give
yourself energy throughout the day.

5. Take time for self-care, even if this is 30 minutes to an hour a day. It is important to do
activities for yourself. Self-care is establishing behaviors to ensure holistic well-being.
Self-care can be taking a nap, exercising, spending time with friends, reading, or
engaging in hobbies that you enjoy.

All in all, remember to be kind and compassionate towards yourself too! There are so many
roles that we carry as humans such as professionals, parents, family members, board
members, students, and members of our community. Try not to put pressure on you and your
family to be perfect!  However, you can try to remain consistent in some of these aspects. Most
importantly, don’t forget to enjoy yourselves over these next few months ahead!

22 May
West County Behavioral Health
Jamie Caldwell, MSW, LMSW Busy family, Development, Life Transitions, Parenting Special Needs Child

Nurturing Love Through Complexity: The Impact of Medically Complex Parenting on Marriage

By: Jamie Caldwell, MSW, LMSW

 

Parenting is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and unexpected twists and turns. For
couples navigating the complexities of raising a child with medical needs, the journey
can be particularly intense, testing the strength of their relationship in ways they never
imagined. The demands of caregiving, the emotional toll of uncertainty, and the financial
strain of medical expenses can all take a toll on a marriage. Yet, amidst the challenges,
many couples find that their bond grows stronger as they navigate the journey of
medically complex parenting together.

The journey begins with the diagnosis. Whether it’s a congenital condition, a chronic
illness, or a sudden medical crisis, receiving news of a child’s medical needs can be
devastating for parents. The shock and grief may strain the couple’s relationship as they
struggle to come to terms with their new reality. Each partner may cope with the
diagnosis differently, leading to feelings of isolation or misunderstanding. It’s crucial for
couples to communicate openly and support each other as they process their emotions
and adjust to their new role as caregivers.

As the couple settles into their caregiving routine, they often face countless challenges.
From frequent hospital visits and medical appointments to managing complex treatment
regimens and coordinating with healthcare providers, the demands of caregiving can be
overwhelming. Couples may find themselves juggling competing priorities, sacrificing
their own needs and desires to ensure their child receives the best possible care. This
can lead to feelings of burnout, resentment, and guilt… all of which put additional strain
on the marriage.

Financial concerns also loom large for couples raising a medically complex child. The
cost of medical care, therapies, adaptive equipment, and specialized education can
quickly add up, placing a significant burden on the family's finances. Couples may find
themselves grappling with insurance denials, navigating complicated healthcare
systems, and making difficult decisions about their financial future. The stress of
financial strain can exacerbate existing tensions within the marriage, leading to conflicts
regarding budgeting, spending, and long-term planning.

Despite these challenges, many couples find strength and resilience in their shared
experience of medically complex parenting. They learn to lean on each other for
support, drawing strength from their partnership as they face adversity together.
Through acts of kindness, patience, and unwavering commitment, they deepen their
bond and cultivate a sense of solidarity in the face of uncertainty. They celebrate small victories, find moments of joy amidst the chaos, and cherish the precious moments they share as a family.
Communication is key to preserving a strong and healthy marriage in the midst of
medically complex parenting. Couples must make time to talk openly and honestly
about their feelings, fears, and needs. They must learn to listen with empathy and
compassion, validating one another’s experiences and perspectives. In addition,
prioritizing their own physical and emotional well-being is critical as it is impossible to
pour from an empty cup.

Seeking support from friends, family, and fellow caregivers can also help couples
navigate the challenges of medically complex parenting. Support groups, online forums,
and counseling services provide valuable resources and a sense of community for
couples facing similar struggles. By connecting with others who understand their
journey, couples can find comfort, encouragement, and practical advice to help them
weather the storms together.

In the end, the journey of medically complex parenting is one of love, resilience, and
profound transformation. While it may test the limits of a marriage, this journey also has
the power to strengthen the bond between partners in ways they never imagined
possible. By facing adversity together with courage, compassion, and unwavering
devotion, couples are able to navigate the complexities of medically complex parenting
and emerge stronger, more connected, and more deeply in love than ever before.

11 Apr
Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW Divorce, Family

Loving with Intention: The Myth of Happily Ever After

Cari McKnight, MSW, LCSW

Are you starting to feel worried that you are growing apart from your spouse or long-term partner these days?
Are you concerned that the passion that you once shared is dissipating and that you are becoming bored and
dissatisfied with your life together? Are you beginning to think that you might love your partner, but aren’t
feeling “in love” with them anymore? What if you were told that all of this is not necessarily the end of your
happiness together, but can be quite normal?

This is not to suggest that these concerns are not red flags, because they are certainly concerns to which one
should pay attention. Nor is this suggesting that couples should not strive to improve these aspects in their
long-term relationship, because any relationship should include times of passion and excitement.
However, it is suggesting that we often have unrealistic expectations about what romance and passion should
look like and that we should not give up on our relationships when we start to feel this fading. Our long-
term relationships are inevitably going to have ups and downs, and it is quite common to feel this way at some
point in a long-term relationship. So many couples break up or divorce when they go through these difficult
seasons, when there is still so much good left to build on. Sadly, after some time has passed, some of these
couples end up regretting this decision to walk away so easily. Many couples have found that when they
choose to do so, they can often not only work through these difficult feelings together but can surprisingly
end up happier than ever.

Our culture has done a disservice to us all. We are inundated with steamy romance novels, movies in which
we watch “soulmates” who are destined to be together and share a love story that moves us to tears, syrupy songs
on the radio that have us wanting that “once-in-a-lifetime love,” and commercials that make every relationship
look perfect. Even social media has allowed real-life couples to portray themselves as living the dream life
together. It can sometimes seem as if every other couple in the world is living a more exciting, passionate life
together than we are. The harsh reality is that much of what we are exposed to is largely a fantasy. We are
only seeing a glimpse of the whole story, characters who aren’t real people, and an airbrushed highlight reel of
exciting moments – and are being made to believe that this is what we should expect in real life, year in and
year out.

We are, as a society at large, buying into the fantasy; we believe that since everyone else seems to have a
“larger than life” love story, we should, too. It is very easy for us to start to think that the grass is greener
somewhere else and that we are “settling“ if our marriage doesn’t look like what we see on the big screen or
even like what our Facebook friends appear to be living. What we need to know is this: any long-term
the relationship is going to have cycles of highs and lows, sometimes very low lows, and this is expected and
NORMAL! No one prepares us for this. Even as children, we are shown fairy tales where the couple
finally ends up together and goes on to live happily ever after…right?
Happily ever after is certainly possible, but not without a lot of hard work. As we get older, we may have been
told that marriage/long-term relationships can be hard, but we never really understand how hard they can be, or that those difficulties will happen to us. We can’t begin to imagine how busy life can be with work, children,
and all of our demands, and just what that can do to our romantic life. We can't understand how tough it can
be when the little annoyances sometimes turn into big resentments. We all start out believing that we are
invincible and that our love is one for the ages. However, even the strongest couples can lose the spark
without putting in the hard work and doing the little things to keep connected. We just can’t comprehend that
we might one day be that couple, looking at one another, asking what we ever found attractive about him/her
in the first place.

Emotions are fickle. Feelings come and go. However, increasingly our culture is telling us to follow our
emotions if we want true happiness. We are being told to “follow our heart” if we aren’t feeling “in love”
anymore. We are being told that our relationships, just like our shoes and our clothes, are disposable, and that if
we are not feeling happy, we should just throw our partner away and find a new one. Again, this is not
suggesting that we should not listen to our hearts or to our feelings. However, we need to also listen to our
minds. We need to be aware that our feelings and emotions can become very clouded and can change, week
to week, year to year. It is important to consider more than just our feelings when making major decisions
about our relationships.

This is proposing a concept that goes against much of what pop culture teaches us: we need to sometimes
CHOOSE to love our partner, even when we don’t feel like loving. Much of the time, if a relationship has a
strong and healthy foundation with two emotionally healthy people, we can push through these times because
romantic feelings and passionate encounters CAN and DO come back. There are certainly extenuating
circumstances (such as when there is abuse in any form, repeated infidelity, untreated and ongoing addictions,
etc.) that are simply not healthy. In these instances, the toxic relationship would need to be seriously re-
evaluated. However, when we do have a relatively healthy partner, there are ways to love with intention that
can transform a relationship into something extremely powerful. This can create an emotional safety that
inspires amazing things to happen.

Here are a few examples of ways to love with intention:
 Try to invite your partner into closeness once a day – even if only for 15-20 minutes. Spend this
time sharing about your day and your feelings about things going on with you (NOT discussing logistical
concerns, kids, etc.) During this time, turn off the TV and cellphones, and give each other your full
attention. Take this time even if you are tired or busy – find a small window of time and just do it.
 CHOOSE to do something loving for your partner even when you don’t FEEL like it (rub their back, cook
them their favorite meal, hold their hand when they are upset, buy them a small treat that they love.)
Falling in love does not require intention or maturity – it just happens, and it is easy. Once that new
love shine has worn off, take the time to do something nice for your partner, even when you don’t
FEEL like it, can get us through the very hard times.
 Even when time and money are tight, carve out date nights regularly, at least once every two weeks,
but hopefully more often. It doesn’t have to be a night out – it could be feeding the kids and putting on
a movie for them while you have a candlelit dinner in the dining room. Take turns planning it. These
nights are an investment in your relationship that pays dividends. Even when you can barely remember what it feels like to feel desire for your partner, sometimes a night out or a long weekend away can ignite a spark of something unexpected.
 Start thinking about some aspirations that you have and encourage your partner to do the same. Then
share your dreams and goals for the next year and try to think of how you can support your partner in
his/her goals. Do this even if you aren’t feeling all warm and connected to your partner. Making plans
and sharing goals creates a sense of unity that encourages growth in a stagnant relationship.
 Do something NEW with your partner, something that neither of you has never done before. This
could be something like traveling to a new place together, zip lining together or taking dance lessons
together. It does not matter what it is, but this is important. Research has clearly shown that doing
novel and exciting activities together can improve relationship satisfaction.
Ideally, we can work on and address our relationship concerns before we get to the point where we feel
hopeless about our future together. The hope is that we will work hard at maintaining our romantic
connection before it all goes completely off the tracks. As stated previously, there are many things we can do
daily to prevent our relationships from deteriorating. However, many times we don’t pay
attention to problems in our relationships until things get quite bad. If you realize that your relationship has
spiraled out of control and you are unsure how to even begin to get it back on track, please know that there is
hope. There is no question that this is an incredibly difficult concept to embrace when you are going through a
tough time as a couple, but there is professional help. Some good counselors can walk with you
through this hard time, and they can help you learn how to better communicate, how to love with intention
and to choose one another – even when you don’t feel like it at all. It is not always an easy endeavor, and this
can be a long and arduous process.

As tempting as it is to give up and go seek out something new, many couples who take this path have paid the
heavy price of regret. The grass ends up not being greener on the other side. Sometimes, we end up trading
one set of problems for another set of issues. The fantasy that we end up chasing might feel good for a while,
but in the end, it is just that – a fleeting fantasy. Real, lasting love is not always easy, it includes a lot of
mistakes, and it is messy. If you ask, many couples with longevity will tell you that at some point or another,
they have felt like giving up. But they will also tell you that the reward of pushing through that dark winter
season when they just “didn’t feel it” is worth it. Ultimately, if we choose to love and learn to
love with intention, we are investing in something real, and even better than we could imagine when
we finally do come out on the other side.

03 Apr
Elizabeth Kowalik, MSW, LCSW, CCTP Family, Therapy

Wrapping our Minds Around EMDR

By Elizabeth Kowalik, MSW, LCSW, CCTP

 

In recent years, more and more individuals are reaching out asking for EMDR…but many
people do not know what it is or how it works. The aim of this article is to provide some
introductory information about this relatively new, and very effective treatment.

What’s the Big Idea?
Pioneered by Francine Shapiro in 1989, Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
(EMDR) utilizes an Adaptive Information Processing model to bring adaptive resolution to
distressing life experiences. After completed, EMDR treatment distress is relieved,
hyperarousal to the world is relieved, and negative beliefs are reformulated. Using an external
stimulus the memory network of the brain becomes malleable and receptive to processing new
information. The EMDR protocol offers purposeful organization of memories to create more
adaptive associations between a “stuck point” and the healthier, more positive information
gathered through life experiences. These new associations result in complete event
processing, new cognitive insights, successful emotional regulation, and an increase in distress
tolerance.
The mind can heal itself just like the body does by utilizing the healing properties of rapid eye
movements (REM) sleep cycles. The new information and experiences gathered throughout the
day are separated and categorized without you even noticing during the REM sleep cycles
throughout the night.
When something out of the ordinary happens like an unexpected and intense event (being bit by
a dog) or repeated exposure to stressful events (being bitten by a dog every time you go
outside) your natural ability to cope can be overloaded and ‘freeze’ as your brain prioritizes
survival over thought organization. This can lead to traumatic situations we have experienced
throughout our lives remaining ‘unprocessed’. Trauma can become isolated in the primal parts
of our brain storage. This part of the brain is intertwined with raw emotional and physical
reactions. It is absent of connection with the higher order thinking we use to reconcile our
feelings, thoughts, and behaviors with rationality and reasoning. Sometimes we aren’t even
capable of recalling the unprocessed events of our past, but the associated reactive emotions
like anxiety, panic, fear, and anger, are triggered by otherwise benign interactions. This of
course, inhibits our ability to live presently, engage with the world effectively, and feel safety.
EMDR helps create new connections between memory recall and emotional processing in the
brain by mimicking a natural REM sleep cycle and offering a “do-over” to assist the brain in
healing correctly.
To access the appropriate memory storage, the therapist has to use bilateral stimulation. This
means waking up both sides of the brain by alternating stimulation in rapid back and forth to a
specific sense. EMDR began using visual stimulation (moving the eyes from side the side).

Some therapists will use sounds where speakers on either side of the body alternate tones. A
more widely used technique recently is activation through the sense of touch where you’ll hold a
small device in each hand that sends alternating pulses or (completely painless and harmless)
buzzes.
This seems like hypnosis. Is this hypnosis?
No, EMDR is not hypnosis. During an EMDR session, you will remain completely alert and in
control. You can keep your eyes open; you can stop the process at any time, and there are very
low risks. Throughout the session the therapist will allow your natural healing system to take the
lead, intervening to keep your thoughts focused on the components of healing. New insights
and connections arise naturally, and most people find EMDR to be an incredibly empowering
therapy.
There are 8 phases of EMDR work which focus on building rapport and trust with your therapist,
gathering information about your history and present circumstances, assessing, and developing
effective coping strategies, and sense activation.
1) History Taking: This process involves the therapist understanding you! It’s imperative
that a therapeutic alliance is built between the therapist and the person seeking EMDR
treatment. Where you came from and where you are now are huge parts of your story
which will provide context as your brain rewrites your story.
2) Preparation: The therapist needs to know you have the resources to manage any
emotions EMDR might surface. You and your therapist will agree on a “window of
tolerance” to guarantee you feel safe throughout the process. You’ll talk about the skills
you already have and you’ll learn more helpful exercises to ensure you maintain
emotional safety through treatment.
3) Assessment: During this phase the EMDR candidate and the therapist agree on 3
distressing experiences targeted for reprocessing. This doesn’t mean going in depth of
the details, but rather listing the events and experiences in a way that is meaningful and
specific enough to resurface it into working memory.
4) Desensitization: This is the meat and potatoes of EMDR. Your therapist will ask you to
bring up the information related to the targeted memory and you’ll focus on that memory
while the therapist adds bilateral stimulation.
5) Installation: Once the targeted memory is no longer triggering, the therapist will guide
you through installing the positive cognition associated with the distressing experience.
Bilateral stimulation is continued throughout this process.
6) Body Scan: Your therapist will want to confirm there isn’t residual distress in your body.
You’ll think of both the targeting memory and the installed memory at the same time
while simultaneously scanning your body, noticing and reporting any sensations.
7) Closure: This phase is incredibly valuable as some memories are so intense that they
won’t reach reprocessing in a single session (although, equally, some do). During
closure your therapist will guide you through containment of the memory to ensure you

remain grounded and calm before leaving the session.
8) Reevaluation: You and your therapist will discuss what you are noticing in general and in
relation to the memory. You may decide to keep a journal of new memories that come
up between sessions or the benefits you notice in your daily life. You’ll have a
conversation about what’s working and also a possible redirection.
So, what’s all the buzz (pun intended) about?
It works. The reliability and validity of EMDR has been supported through rigorous research. It is
the most thoroughly researched method in the treatment of trauma and is endorsed by The
American Psychiatric Association, American Psychological Association, Department of Defense,
Veterans Administration, and the International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies.
It works faster. People tend to notice the benefits of EMDR much sooner than more
traditional therapy methods.
Less homework. Other forms of therapy can require journaling or some sort of guided
reflection. EMDR continues to make new connections even after the reprocessing session has
ended and you’ll only be expected to write down another memory you want to work on next
session (if something comes up).
Less stress. EMDR requires little description or reliving of negative experiences. The focus is to
process and move past the trauma by strengthening healthy bonds between the memory itself
and your brain’s reactions to that memory.

But I don’t think I have trauma.
EMDR has been used to effectively treat symptoms in addition to post-traumatic stress
including : anxiety, depression, addictions, phobias, anger, grief and loss, sleep
problems, intrusive thoughts, and low self-esteem. Ongoing studies continue to
support the probability of this list growing much longer.

13 Feb
West County Behavioral Health
Jamie Caldwell, MSW, LMSW Busy family, Family, Parenting Special Needs Child

Navigating the Challenges and Celebrating the Inch-stones: The Journey of Special Needs Parenting and Therapy

When we start out on our personal journey to become parents, we are often filled with hopes and dreams for our future children. We often look forward to celebrating each milestone – the first time they roll over, their first steps, the first time they say “Mama” or “Dada,” their first day of kindergarten, graduation, and getting married. As parents, we set out on this journey knowing it will be filled with joy and love, anticipating that we will face a few challenges along the way. However, for some of us, our hopes and dreams suddenly look a whole lot different than we anticipated. Unexpectedly, we are now referring to ourselves as someone we never imagined. We are now special needs parents. We are now the parents of a child with medical complexities. We are now a parent of a child with alternative abilities. All titles that we never dreamt of being called.

For those of us raising a child with special needs, the parenting journey can be uniquely demanding. It’s a journey that requires unwavering dedication, resilience, and a commitment to providing the best possible care for our children. We are forced to re-evaluate our hopes, dreams, and expectations. Milestones become a thing of the past; now we celebrate progress based on inch-stones. However, this is not something that we can often accept overnight. Sometimes, parents need assistance and guidance on accepting this new way of parenting. One invaluable resource that often plays a pivotal role in the lives of special needs families is therapy. In this article, we will explore the challenges faced by special needs parents and delve into the significant benefits that therapy can bring to both parents and children.

Challenges of Special Needs Parenting

Emotional Rollercoaster:

Special needs parents often experience a rollercoaster of emotions, including feelings of grief, frustration, and isolation. Coping with the diagnosis of a child’s special needs can be an overwhelming experience, and parents may find themselves grappling with uncertainty about the future.

Financial Strain:

The financial burden of raising a child with special needs can be substantial. Medical expenses, therapy costs, and special education services may strain family finances, adding an extra layer of stress to an already challenging situation.

Social Isolation:

Special needs parenting can be isolating, as families may face difficulties in finding understanding and support from their social circles. The unique demands of caring for a child with special needs may lead to limited opportunities for socializing, further exacerbating feelings of isolation.

Advocacy and Navigating Systems:

Special needs parents often find themselves acting as advocates for their children within various systems, including education, healthcare, and social services. Navigating these systems can be daunting and time-consuming, requiring a deep understanding of legal rights and the services available to their child.

Benefits of Therapy for Special Needs Families

Emotional Support:

One of the primary benefits of therapy for parents of special needs children is emotional support. The challenges and uncertainties that come with caring for a child with special needs can lead to feelings of isolation, guilt, and stress. Therapy provides a safe environment for parents to express their emotions, fears, and frustrations, helping them develop coping mechanisms to navigate the emotional rollercoaster.

Stress Reduction and Self-Care:

Caring for a special needs child can be physically and emotionally demanding. Therapy emphasizes the importance of self-care and stress reduction techniques. Parents learn to prioritize their well-being, ensuring they have the resilience needed to conquer the ongoing challenges of parenting a child with special needs.

Coping Strategies:

Therapy equips parents with effective coping strategies to manage the unique challenges they may encounter. From understanding the specific needs of their child to managing their own stress levels, therapists collaborate with parents to develop personalized coping mechanisms. These strategies empower parents to face daily challenges with resilience and adaptability.

Communication and Relationship Building:

Effective communication is crucial in any family, but it becomes even more vital when raising a special needs child. Therapy can assist parents in improving communication skills, fostering understanding, and strengthening familial bonds. As parents learn to navigate the intricacies of their child’s condition, they often find that therapy enhances their ability to connect on a deeper level.

Advocacy Skills:

Therapy provides parents with valuable tools to become effective advocates for their special needs children. Understanding their child’s rights, navigating educational systems, and collaborating with healthcare professionals becomes more manageable with the guidance of a therapist. Empowered parents can actively participate in their child’s development and ensure they receive the support they need.

Special needs parenting is a unique journey filled with challenges, but therapy emerges as a beacon of hope and support. By addressing the emotional, social, and practical aspects of parenting a child with special needs, therapy empowers parents to embrace their new role with resilience and determination. The benefits of therapy extend beyond individual well-being; they contribute to the overall health and harmony of the family unit. The journey becomes not only about caring for a special needs child but also about personal growth, strength, and the unwavering love that defines the parent-child relationship.

25 Aug
Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Family, Help with teens, Life Transitions, Teen Stress

Staying Power: When Your Child Wants to Come Home From College

By Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW, CDM

Staying Power: When Your Child Wants to Come Home from College

Jennifer Webbe Van Luven, MSW, LCSW, CDM

 

As a mother of a college freshman, I must admit that I may be more attuned to the conversations of new college freshmen being “unhappy” and deciding to leave college – before it has really begun. Kids today find it very easy to call it quits and move back home and, alarmingly, many parents allow them. There may be several reasons as to why this happens. Do we live in a world where today’s youth need instant gratification? Is this generation just “entitled?” Have we given them the tools to fly the coop? Or is it that we parents have enabled this batch of kids so much that they lack the independence and skills to make it on their own?

Dissatisfaction with the college experience at the end of the first semester is not uncommon. Several national studies suggest that one-third of college students do not return for their sophomore year of college, though there is little data regarding how many of those students leave at the midpoint of their first year. However, both college personnel and first-year students know that there are many students who will not be back for the second semester.

There are good days and bad days for everyone, of course. College students are no different. As parents, we hope that our college students will have more good days than bad. But sometimes, your college student may hit a string of bad days or may seem particularly unhappy with their college experience. This is one of those times when, as parents, we may feel most helpless. In some ways, we are. It is tremendously difficult to sit back and watch your student try to work through the situation him or herself…and some students may lack the ability to make lemonades out of their lemons.

Many of today’s kids come from a house of entitlement and feel as if they need instant gratification. They move into a dorm room that is less than plush; it does not resemble the comforts of home. They may decorate to the nines and try to settle into their new residence. However, as much as they try, it will never be home. Mom is not in the kitchen making their favorite meal, fresh towels are not in their community bathroom, and they are living with a complete stranger. Our kids think that they will instantly be settled. It takes time, patience, and a lot of social networking. This is something most didn’t have to do in high school. As parents, we need to allow them to be uncomfortable and to work through the process.

Kids today have a difficult time “fending for themselves.” This is due in part to our generation of parents who have coddled and hovered during those teenage years. Many of our kids did not learn the skills they need to be independent and spread their wings. Parents rushed to their child’s aid with teachers, coaches, and homework assignments. Now, living away from home and not having that helicopter parent there to help can leave our college students flailing in the wind. This contributes to lonely and helpless feelings.

Your child needs to have a sense of belonging on campus or the feeling of “fit.” Working or being off campus can impact that feeling. Many students who spend a significant number of hours off campus, either due to work or outside activities, (more than twenty hours per week) often feel less satisfied with their college experience because they are less connected.

Social isolation also has a big impact. Students who feel alone are obviously unhappier. Even on a very large campus, it is possible for your student to feel isolated from others. These students need to be encouraged to join activities. That may be an intramural sport, Greek life, or campus government. In many cases, student dissatisfaction stems less from academic programs, residence hall conditions, or activities than from feelings of connection and fit. Encourage your child to do all that he or she can to find and connect with others.

When considering a return home, perhaps one of the first and most important things that parents need to determine is the level of certainty that their student has about that decision.  Is he firm that he will not return, or is he floating the idea to measure your reaction and perhaps seek your advice? Your task will be less to tell her what to do and more to help her explore her own feelings, abilities, and options. Whatever is decided in the end, your student must be comfortable with and committed to the decision.

 

Some things we can do as parents:

·        Listen. Take time just to hear what your student has to say and reflect on his or her thoughts. They may just need you to be a sympathetic ear.

 

·       Help your child realize that they are not alone. Many students feel the same way at various points in their college careers. Although he or she may still be unhappy now, understanding that this is a normal phase may help to put things in perspective.

 

·       Help them determine the validity of their complaints. Are their expectations realistic? Is their problem chronic or a one-time issue?

 

·       Insist on honesty. Insist that your student be honest both with you and with him or herself. Don’t let them make excuses. Don’t let them gloss over real issues. Help them take a full and honest look at the situation and their place in it.

 

·       Encourage time and patience. Sometimes issues or situations may need time to run their course. If your student is unhappy at the midpoint of a first semester and talks about transferring or dropping out, try to insist that they finish the year. A second semester is often very different. Giving the experience a chance may be all that is needed. Countless students talk about transfer during that first semester and wouldn’t consider leaving their school by the end of the year.

 

·       Help your student reflect on their attitude and actions. What are they doing to correct or improve the situation? Have they tried to connect or talk to someone on campus or made an effort to change their approach? Help them think about whether they are working to improve the situation.

 

·       Consider a strategy or action plan. Rather than just waiting it out, or continuing to be miserable, help your student create a plan of attack. Taking action, even in small ways, helps your student feel empowered and in control.

 

·       If your student is considering a transfer, help them consider whether they will be taking their problems with them. Are the issues truly with the school or with themselves? What would be different somewhere else?

 

·       Help your student think about the satisfied and happy students on campus. What is it about those happier students that make them happy? What are they doing differently? They are at the same institution and are having a better experience. Why? Are there behaviors that your student might adopt?

 

·       Don’t set your student up with unrealistic expectations. Many of us, as college parents, may be guilty of telling our students that, “These are the best years of your life!” They may not be. Help your student realize that there will be some wonderful experiences, but there will also be some lows. College is about hard work, meeting new people (some of whom your student may not like), navigating a new world, and learning independence and responsibility. These factors can make demands on students that may, at times, seem overwhelming.

 

·       Lastly, consider whether this college or university was truly your child’s choice or your own. Many of today’s parents press their children into making the college choice that most appeals to the parent, rather than that which feels right to the child. The same can be said for college majors, dormitories, and even first-semester courses. If your son or daughter never wanted to attend this institution, their unhappiness may be a sign that they need to make the choice that is right for them.

 

 

The college experience is a roller coaster for most students. The good times are particularly exhilarating, and the lows are particularly deep. The student who is prepared for the emotional changes will better weather those changes. Although, as a parent, you cannot change the experiences, you can help your student learn from, value, and grow through the experiences.

 
06 Jul
Jeff Boatman APRN-MHCNS Development, Family, Help with teens, Medication Management

Challenges in Switching Psychiatric Medications

By Jeff Boatman, APRN-MHCNS

 

We live in a society where we are accustomed to – and expect – instant gratification and results. However, for many of us, the process of finding the correct psychiatric medication can take time and be extremely frustrating. Oftentimes, we have been misdiagnosed or have tried multiple different psychotropic meds over long periods of time – with minimal positive outcomes. Sometimes, we can become so frustrated that we want to “give up” on finding the right medication, and the problems continue or worsen. It is critical for us to have a clear understanding of the process and potential challenges of switching psychiatric medications so that we can understand and be prepared for the experience.  Switching psychiatric medications can be a crucial step in managing mental health conditions effectively, and this article aims to share valuable information to consider when transitioning between medications, ensuring a smoother and safer experience.
It is vital to have a good working relationship with a psychiatric provider whom you trust when considering a switch. A provider should involve you, the patient, in the decision-making process and be willing to consider your previous experiences with medications, comorbidities, and other factors that may affect the treatment. As a patient, you have a responsibility to share your concerns, symptoms, and goals to ensure the new medication aligns with YOUR specific needs. The provider should spend an appropriate amount of time educating patients and families about all the dynamics involved in making a switch and allow adequate time for questions to be answered and expectations to be discussed. Here are some important considerations that the provider should address with you.
  • Understanding Reasons for Switching Psychotropic – Changes to medication may occur due to various reasons. It could be due to inadequate symptom relief, intolerable side effects, lack of response to the current medication, interactions with other medications, cost, or the emergence of new symptoms. Understanding the specific reasons behind the switch can help you and your healthcare provider make informed decisions regarding alternative medications or treatment strategies.
  • Importance of Gradual Tapering and Titration – Switching psychiatric medications often requires a gradual tapering from the current medication while simultaneously introducing the new one. Abrupt discontinuation can lead to withdrawal symptoms or a sudden worsening of symptoms. Follow your healthcare provider’s instructions carefully regarding the tapering and titration schedule. It may take several weeks or longer to transition fully, as this allows your body to adjust to the new medication while minimizing potential adverse effects. In addition, patients need to be educated about possible withdrawal symptoms that may occur. Some people may experience withdrawal symptoms when switching from one psychotropic drug to another. These symptoms can include anxiety, depression, insomnia, and irritability.
  • Potential Interactions: The provider should explain to the patient and family any potential interactions between the new medication and other medications that the patient is taking. You should also be advised on any food or beverages to avoid when taking the new medication.
  • Potential Side Effects and Monitoring. Different psychiatric medications can have varying side effects. Your healthcare provider should inform you about potential side effects associated with the new medication. Common side effects may include gastrointestinal discomfort, dizziness, drowsiness, changes in appetite, weight gain, lethargy, changes in sleep patterns, or sexual dysfunction. Be aware of these possibilities but remember that not everyone experiences them. Regular check-ins and follow-up appointments with your psychiatric provider are crucial during the transition phase to monitor your response to the new medication and address any concerns or side effects that may arise.
  • A clear understanding of the new medication: The provider should explain the new medication, including its name (generic and name brand), action, dosage, scheduling if it should be taken with or without food, possible side effects to look for, and what the realistic expectations should be.
  • Plan for monitoring: The provider should explain how you will be monitored during the transition to the new medication. This may include a phone call, a text to a provider with an update, more frequent follow-up appointments, and possible blood tests. It is important that there is a plan for the patient to reach out if experiencing issues.
Switching psychiatric medications can be challenging, and it is essential to remain patient throughout the process. It may take time to find the right medication and dosage that works best for you. Changing medications requires careful consideration, open communication with healthcare providers, and patience. By understanding the reasons behind the switch, following gradual tapering and titration protocols, being aware of potential side effects, and maintaining regular communication with your healthcare provider, you can navigate the transition process more effectively and improve your mental health outcomes. Remember, you are not alone—seek the support you need to ensure a successful switch.
29 Jun
Mollie Appelbaum, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C Family

Beyond Parenthood: Nurturing Relationships and Maintaining Connections

By Mollie Appelbaum, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C

 

Becoming a parent is a transformative experience that brings immense joy and fulfillment. However, raising children can also undoubtedly be overwhelming. Amidst the demands of raising children, it’s crucial to remember the importance of nurturing your own relationships and maintaining connections that were present pre-parenthood. Below, I have outlined ways to help parents navigate the role of balancing child-rearing responsibilities while simultaneously fostering meaningful connections with others.
Prioritizing Relationships: Recognizing Their Value
Acknowledging the importance of relationships in your life beyond your role as a parent is important. Having relationships with others creates a sense of emotional support. Parenthood can bring on many emotions including fulfillment, joy, exhaustion, and stress. Maintaining important relationships in your life provides you with a support system. This support system allows you to share experiences, seek advice, and talk with others who may be able to empathize with your journey through parenthood. These connections can alleviate feelings of isolation and allow you to feel a sense of reassurance, validation, and “togetherness”. Nurturing relationships and friendships contribute to your overall well-being. These relationships provide opportunities for laughter, enjoyment, and relaxation. Engaging in activities and spending time with loved ones can boost your mood, reduce stress levels, and enhance your mental and emotional well-being. Building and maintaining strong relationships and friendships during the early stages of parenthood can lay the foundation for long-term support. As your child grows, these connections can become an extended network of support for both you and your child.
Friendships and Social Connections: Cultivating a Supportive Network
At times parenthood can lead to social isolation or withdrawal. The demands of parenting and the exhaustion that often accompanies it may cause some parents to prioritize rest and family time over socializing. This can result in reduced contact and less frequent interaction with friends. Parenthood can also bring about shifts in friendship dynamics. Parenting responsibilities often require planning and structure, leaving less room for spontaneous outings or last-minute social engagements. Parents may need to prioritize childcare arrangements or adhere to routines, which can make it harder to engage in impromptu social activities with friends. A simple phone call or text may offer a chance to reconnect with a friend you haven’t seen for a while. Plan a set date on the calendar for dinner out or pick up takeout so you don’t have to stress about childcare arrangements. Parents may find themselves gravitating towards other parents who can relate to their experiences, while non-parent friends may seek connections with individuals who are in similar life stages. This doesn’t mean friendships end, but they may require adjustments and additional effort to maintain. Parenthood can deepen existing friendships or foster new ones. Each of these friendships, whether old or new, creates a feeling of connection and support.
Open and Honest Communication: Addressing Relationship Challenges
Becoming a parent often involves a transition in your role and identity. Individuals may experience a shift in their sense of self, and adjustments are required as partners adapt to their new parental roles. This process can bring about a renegotiation of responsibilities and changes in dynamics within the relationship. The demands of parenting can sometimes also affect the romantic and intimate aspects of a relationship. Physical intimacy may be impacted by fatigue or changes in body image, and finding time for romantic moments may become more challenging. It is important to pour into your relationship and try to make a conscious effort of setting aside time to be able to spend quality one on one time together. Dedicating time to prioritize your relationship may not always be easy, as raising children demands a significant amount of time and energy, leaving you with less availability for one another other. Sleep deprivation, childcare responsibilities, and other parenting tasks can leave partners feeling exhausted and less attentive to their relationship. Nurture understanding and forgiveness in the relationship in these tough moments and seek professional guidance if needed. Effective teamwork, communication, and support between partners are vital for maintaining a healthy relationship while raising children. Sharing responsibilities, offering emotional support, and finding ways to lighten each other’s burdens can strengthen the bond and help navigate the challenges of parenthood.
Maintaining connections beyond parenthood is essential for our emotional and mental well-being. By prioritizing relationships, investing in quality time, nurturing friendships, seeking support, and embracing open communication, parents can navigate the challenges of parenting while sustaining meaningful connections with their partners, friends, and loved ones. Remember, relationships require effort and attention, but the rewards of nurturing those connections extend far beyond the realm of parenting, impacting our lives in immeasurable ways.
14 Jun
Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Family

The Top 5 Things Parents Should Consider This Summer

By Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW

 

Summer is officially here which means many parents are beginning to express both excitement and even a little bit of dread for the months ahead! School is out and many families will be juggling all the “summer plans”, or lack thereof. Either way, it’s important to consider how to set your family up for a fulfilling summer. Here are five things to consider to make the most out of the summer months…
Scheduled Family Time- Make it an expectation. Put it on a calendar. Stick to it. Family time is crucial at any time of the year! Things like game nights, movie mornings, a backyard campout, or a monthly themed dinner; consider any lighthearted ways to spend time together as a family. Yes, your teens will likely push back on this idea, but that’s what teens do. Still, make it happen and expect them to be there. They will thank you later!
Get Involved- Have your child involved in at least one productive activity this summer. From a camp to a regularly scheduled day at grandma’s house, having something to do with others is so important for our children’s social-emotional well-being. It’s also important to have your child be a part of the planning process for this. Bring them into the discussion of their summer plans. While you’re at it, share your summer expectations and listen to any hopes/expectations they may have for their summer too.
Stay In Touch- Be aware of your child’s technology usage this summer. App’s like “Net Nanny”, “Bark” and “Canopy” can provide a level of protection to ensure your children (and the people they communicate with!) are safe. Stay in touch with your children by communicating with them as both good and hard things come up over the summer months.
Balance- Encourage a healthy balance of scheduled time vs downtime for your children. Boredom is GOOD! Boredom is becoming a lost emotion that we should consider allowing our children to feel again. However, for some children, if a lack of involvement occurs undesirable behaviors may start to arise. Try to identify this line between boredom and lack of involvement. If behaviors become a problem, schedule an activity for them. It’s all about balance!
Continue / Start Therapy- Whether your child is currently seeing a therapist, recently paused therapy, or never has been, it is a good idea to schedule some consistent sessions over the summer. Despite what some think, summer months are the ideal time to commit to our mental health. With school on break, it allows kids to focus more on self-growth and sets them up for further success when the school year begins again.
West County Behavioral Health wishes you and your family a safe and happy summer!
If you need us, we are here!
314-200-5131
07 Jun
Hadley McIntyre, MSW, LMSW Family, Help with teens

The Dark Side of TikTok: Unraveling Mental Health Misinformation

By Hadley McIntyre, MSW, LMSW

 

In recent years, TikTok has emerged as a global phenomenon, captivating millions of users with its short videos. While the platform offers a space for creativity, entertainment, and connection, it also brings a concerning aspect: the spread of mental health misinformation. As individuals seek guidance and support for their mental well-being, they often encounter a flood of content on TikTok that promotes ambiguous advice, harmful practices, and inaccurate information.
TikTok’s algorithm is designed to tailor content to user’s preferences, often resulting in a groupthink effect. Consequently, users exploring mental health topics may find themselves confronted with a wide range of content, including personal stories, coping mechanisms, and self-help advice. While many creators genuinely strive to share helpful information, the unregulated nature of TikTok allows for the spread of misinformation.
One of the most troubling aspects of mental health misinformation on TikTok is the spread of misleading advice and harmful practices. Some creators, lacking professional expertise, offer unverified remedies for mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or eating disorders. These recommendations can range from dangerous dieting techniques to unproven therapies, potentially exacerbating individuals’ struggles and compromising their well-being.
TikTok’s concise nature often leads to oversimplification of information. Mental health conditions are complex and multifaceted, requiring professional training and personalized approaches. Unfortunately, on TikTok, misinformation can perpetuate harmful stereotypes, stigmatize individuals with mental health challenges, and undermine the importance of seeking professional help.
TikTok’s lax content moderation policies present a significant challenge in combating mental health misinformation. While the platform has made efforts to address harmful content, the sheer volume of videos makes it difficult to identify and remove all misleading information effectively. Additionally, the absence of a system to verify the credentials of mental health influencers further compounds the problem, allowing unqualified individuals to present themselves as experts.
The consequences of mental health misinformation on TikTok can be devastating, particularly for vulnerable users who rely on the platform for guidance. Misleading advice may lead individuals to self-diagnose, dismiss professional help, or experiment with harmful practices. This can further isolate and worsen their mental health, impeding their recovery and increasing the risk of serious consequences.
Addressing mental health misinformation on TikTok requires a collective effort from users, creators, and the platform itself. Users should approach mental health content with skepticism, fact-check information before accepting it as truth, and seek professional guidance when needed. Creators should take responsibility for their influence, ensuring that their content is accurate, evidence-based, and transparent about their qualifications.
TikTok’s immense popularity comes with significant responsibilities. While the platform has undoubtedly fostered a sense of community and creativity, it also serves as a breeding ground for mental health misinformation. Recognizing the dangers of such misinformation is crucial to protect vulnerable users and promote genuine support.
24 Mar
Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW Medication Management

What Parents Should Know About Children and Psychiatric Medication

While pediatricians are an important part of a child’s healthcare team, seeing a psychiatrist for medication management can be crucial for a child’s mental health treatment. Here are some reasons why:
Expertise: Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in mental health. They have extensive training and experience in diagnosing and treating mental health conditions, including those that require medication management. While pediatricians have some training in mental health, their expertise is primarily focused on physical health and development.
Diagnosis: Psychiatric diagnosis can be complex, and accurate diagnosis is key to effective treatment. Psychiatrists have a deep understanding of the various mental health conditions that can affect children and can provide an accurate diagnosis based on a comprehensive evaluation. They can also differentiate between similar symptoms that may be caused by different conditions.
Medication Management: Medication can be an effective treatment for many mental health conditions in children, but it must be carefully managed to ensure safety and effectiveness. Psychiatrists have a deep understanding of the medications used to treat mental health conditions, including their potential side effects, interactions, and appropriate dosages. They can also monitor a child’s response to medication over time and adjust treatment as needed.
Therapy: Psychiatrists can provide clinical guidance well as medication management. Because they understand and specialize in mental health diagnoses, they can help make sure that all of the mental health pieces are being considered and addressed. As such, they can help connect children to a therapist who would be an appropriate match for the specific issues that they are treating, and can then collaborate with this therapist to provide the utmost quality of care.
Overall, while pediatricians are an important part of a child’s healthcare team, they may not have the specialized training and expertise needed to effectively manage a child’s mental health treatment with medication. A child seeing a psychiatrist can benefit from their specialized knowledge and experience in mental health diagnosis and treatment, leading to more effective and safer medication management. At West County Behavioral Health, we have the complete team – therapists and psychiatrists collaborating together – to make sure that your child gets the BEST care possible!!
West County Behavioral Health offers full service medication management for both children and adults.  Please contact our office at 314-200-5119 to schedule and appointment with one of our providers.
Meet Our Medication Management Team
Shelah Radke, MD, JD
Pursuing mental wellness is a sign of strength. As a Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Physician, I have enjoyed celebrating my client’s strengths for the past 10 years, having dedicated my career to working with children, adolescents, and young adults in the field of psychiatric medicine.
  • Double Board-Certified in Psychiatry and Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
  • Graduated from Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine
  • Residency at University Hospitals of Cleveland and Fellowship through Rainbow Babies and Children’s Hospital in Cleveland, Ohio.
  • Recently served as the Medical Director of Child Crisis Psychiatry Services at Mercy Hospital in St. Louis
  • Provided direct clinical care in two private practice settings in the Washington, D.C, area
  • Worked with clients at Monarch boarding school in Cleveland, Ohio, collaborating with teachers and parents frequently to optimize opportunities for creative learning.
I am committed to using evidence-based practices, including integrative, lifestyle, and pharmacological interventions, to help my patients achieve better mental health outcomes. I also enjoy partnering with clients by using the shared decision-making model of care. I work with clients to understand their unique needs and goals, and together we develop personalized treatment goals that are tailored to their individual needs. This approach empowers patients to take an active role in their own care and can lead to more positive outcomes and greater overall satisfaction with the treatment process.
Jeff Boatman, APRN-MHCNS
I received my Bachelor of Science in Nursing and my Master of Science in Nursing from St. Louis University, specializing in Psychiatric Adult Mental Health Nursing. I have worked for over 25 years as a certified Advanced Practice Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing. While in private practice, I have had a collaborative practice arrangement with Dr. Adam Sky.
I function as an Advanced Psychiatric Practice Nurse with prescriptive authority and have seen patients in hospital, office, and nursing home settings. I serve the adult population, age 25 and up. I am affiliated and have privileges at St. Mary’s Health Center in St. Louis. In addition, I am an active member in the American Psychiatric Nurse’s Association and the APNA Missouri Chapter where I have served on the Board.
I look forward to serving your psychiatric and medication needs with compassion and skill – I want to take the time to truly understand your situation and offer you the tools to feel better and stay well.
09 Mar
Molly Meyerson, MSW, LMSW Family, Grief, Help with teens

Sitting with Grief

Molly Meyerson, MSW, LMSW
Typically, when we think about grief, we think about the loss of a loved one. We think about having to continue living our life without the presence of a person we thought we would never be without. While this type of grief is profound, we can feel grief in other areas of our lives as well. It is important to acknowledge and identify the times in our lives in which we experience grief. However, I want to do more than just acknowledge grief. I want to talk about sitting with grief. I want to talk about allowing ourselves to feel it fully, and how we can create the space in our lives to do so.
We may experience grief when we are navigating major life transitions; where we find ourselves parting ways with versions of ourselves or lives we have lived in order to grow. We may grieve those versions of ourselves we were before experiencing a life-altering event. We may experience grief as a result of making hard decisions, losing a job, or changing careers. In all of these examples, grief is a result of changes we experience. Whether change is planned or unexpected, the grief that accompanies it can feel heavy. Sometimes it can feel debilitating. We may find it difficult to embrace or even accept certain changes.
When grief is present in our lives, a normal reaction can be to avoid it – to distract ourselves from it. To find ways around feeling it when it feels too painful. An unfortunate truth about avoidance is that it does not help our feelings “go away.” We may not realize it at first, but when we avoid our grief, we are avoiding many other things too.
Dr. Brene Brown speaks beautifully about this topic when she says, “you cannot selectively numb emotions.” When we attempt to numb negative emotions, we inadvertently numb the good ones too. Our capacity to feel painful emotions correlates with our capacity to feel joy, love, happiness, etc. When we don’t allow ourselves to feel our grief, we often feel stuck, anxious, and unhappy.
So, what does this mean? If grief is unavoidable, and inevitably comes with change, what do we do when waves of grief crash on our shores? How do we ride out the storm when we can’t stop it? We can start by letting ourselves feel it. We can create an environment for ourselves to feel everything we need to feel while grieving. Just as we create space in our lives for happiness, it is important to be intentional when creating an environment to feel our sadness and grief. If we can feel safe while sitting with grief, we facilitate our own healing.
Give yourself permission to slow down. Go on a walk, listen to your favorite music, let yourself cry, practice self-care, and take time out of your days to just be. Lean into social support and loved ones while navigating your grief. Acknowledge the love that still takes up space in your heart for whatever you are grieving. When we honor our grief, we are honoring our love as well. And the most important thing to offer yourself is TIME. There is no way to expedite the grieving process. It will take time, and time will feel incredibly slow. While it feels slow, remember that it is still passing by. And, each day that passes is another day that we have survived. When we find ways to sit with pain and grief, we can be reminded that we have already survived the loss.
Unfortunately, there is nothing I can write to remove grief from our lives, and that is not my goal. The purpose of this piece is to remind you that you have every right to sit with your grief for as long as you need. We live in a fast-moving world, but grief is an experience in which fast-paced living will be unproductive and potentially harmful. It is okay to slow down, it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to just be while we’re processing these changes and losses.
If grief is something you are sitting with right now, you are not alone. Grief and change are inevitable, but they are only waves in a storm, and eventually, the worst of the storm will pass. If we are willing to experience the grief that comes with change, we can grow into new versions of ourselves, and experience lives yet unknown to us. We owe it to ourselves to feel it all, so we can experience life to the greatest capacity possible.
Whatever life looks like for you right now, if you are experiencing grief, I hope you have the courage to sit with it and honor all of who you are. If you find yourself feeling stuck and unable to move through the grieving process, reach out to a therapist for help. Grief is not something to run from. It is a reminder of how deeply we can love.
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