25 Aug
Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Family, Help with teens, Life Transitions, Teen Stress

Staying Power: When Your Child Wants to Come Home From College

By Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW, CDM

Staying Power: When Your Child Wants to Come Home from College

Jennifer Webbe Van Luven, MSW, LCSW, CDM

 

As a mother of a college freshman, I must admit that I may be more attuned to the conversations of new college freshmen being “unhappy” and deciding to leave college – before it has really begun. Kids today find it very easy to call it quits and move back home and, alarmingly, many parents allow them. There may be several reasons as to why this happens. Do we live in a world where today’s youth need instant gratification? Is this generation just “entitled?” Have we given them the tools to fly the coop? Or is it that we parents have enabled this batch of kids so much that they lack the independence and skills to make it on their own?

Dissatisfaction with the college experience at the end of the first semester is not uncommon. Several national studies suggest that one-third of college students do not return for their sophomore year of college, though there is little data regarding how many of those students leave at the midpoint of their first year. However, both college personnel and first-year students know that there are many students who will not be back for the second semester.

There are good days and bad days for everyone, of course. College students are no different. As parents, we hope that our college students will have more good days than bad. But sometimes, your college student may hit a string of bad days or may seem particularly unhappy with their college experience. This is one of those times when, as parents, we may feel most helpless. In some ways, we are. It is tremendously difficult to sit back and watch your student try to work through the situation him or herself…and some students may lack the ability to make lemonades out of their lemons.

Many of today’s kids come from a house of entitlement and feel as if they need instant gratification. They move into a dorm room that is less than plush; it does not resemble the comforts of home. They may decorate to the nines and try to settle into their new residence. However, as much as they try, it will never be home. Mom is not in the kitchen making their favorite meal, fresh towels are not in their community bathroom, and they are living with a complete stranger. Our kids think that they will instantly be settled. It takes time, patience, and a lot of social networking. This is something most didn’t have to do in high school. As parents, we need to allow them to be uncomfortable and to work through the process.

Kids today have a difficult time “fending for themselves.” This is due in part to our generation of parents who have coddled and hovered during those teenage years. Many of our kids did not learn the skills they need to be independent and spread their wings. Parents rushed to their child’s aid with teachers, coaches, and homework assignments. Now, living away from home and not having that helicopter parent there to help can leave our college students flailing in the wind. This contributes to lonely and helpless feelings.

Your child needs to have a sense of belonging on campus or the feeling of “fit.” Working or being off campus can impact that feeling. Many students who spend a significant number of hours off campus, either due to work or outside activities, (more than twenty hours per week) often feel less satisfied with their college experience because they are less connected.

Social isolation also has a big impact. Students who feel alone are obviously unhappier. Even on a very large campus, it is possible for your student to feel isolated from others. These students need to be encouraged to join activities. That may be an intramural sport, Greek life, or campus government. In many cases, student dissatisfaction stems less from academic programs, residence hall conditions, or activities than from feelings of connection and fit. Encourage your child to do all that he or she can to find and connect with others.

When considering a return home, perhaps one of the first and most important things that parents need to determine is the level of certainty that their student has about that decision.  Is he firm that he will not return, or is he floating the idea to measure your reaction and perhaps seek your advice? Your task will be less to tell her what to do and more to help her explore her own feelings, abilities, and options. Whatever is decided in the end, your student must be comfortable with and committed to the decision.

 

Some things we can do as parents:

·        Listen. Take time just to hear what your student has to say and reflect on his or her thoughts. They may just need you to be a sympathetic ear.

 

·       Help your child realize that they are not alone. Many students feel the same way at various points in their college careers. Although he or she may still be unhappy now, understanding that this is a normal phase may help to put things in perspective.

 

·       Help them determine the validity of their complaints. Are their expectations realistic? Is their problem chronic or a one-time issue?

 

·       Insist on honesty. Insist that your student be honest both with you and with him or herself. Don’t let them make excuses. Don’t let them gloss over real issues. Help them take a full and honest look at the situation and their place in it.

 

·       Encourage time and patience. Sometimes issues or situations may need time to run their course. If your student is unhappy at the midpoint of a first semester and talks about transferring or dropping out, try to insist that they finish the year. A second semester is often very different. Giving the experience a chance may be all that is needed. Countless students talk about transfer during that first semester and wouldn’t consider leaving their school by the end of the year.

 

·       Help your student reflect on their attitude and actions. What are they doing to correct or improve the situation? Have they tried to connect or talk to someone on campus or made an effort to change their approach? Help them think about whether they are working to improve the situation.

 

·       Consider a strategy or action plan. Rather than just waiting it out, or continuing to be miserable, help your student create a plan of attack. Taking action, even in small ways, helps your student feel empowered and in control.

 

·       If your student is considering a transfer, help them consider whether they will be taking their problems with them. Are the issues truly with the school or with themselves? What would be different somewhere else?

 

·       Help your student think about the satisfied and happy students on campus. What is it about those happier students that make them happy? What are they doing differently? They are at the same institution and are having a better experience. Why? Are there behaviors that your student might adopt?

 

·       Don’t set your student up with unrealistic expectations. Many of us, as college parents, may be guilty of telling our students that, “These are the best years of your life!” They may not be. Help your student realize that there will be some wonderful experiences, but there will also be some lows. College is about hard work, meeting new people (some of whom your student may not like), navigating a new world, and learning independence and responsibility. These factors can make demands on students that may, at times, seem overwhelming.

 

·       Lastly, consider whether this college or university was truly your child’s choice or your own. Many of today’s parents press their children into making the college choice that most appeals to the parent, rather than that which feels right to the child. The same can be said for college majors, dormitories, and even first-semester courses. If your son or daughter never wanted to attend this institution, their unhappiness may be a sign that they need to make the choice that is right for them.

 

 

The college experience is a roller coaster for most students. The good times are particularly exhilarating, and the lows are particularly deep. The student who is prepared for the emotional changes will better weather those changes. Although, as a parent, you cannot change the experiences, you can help your student learn from, value, and grow through the experiences.

 
06 Jul
Jeff Boatman APRN-MHCNS Development, Family, Help with teens, Medication Management

Challenges in Switching Psychiatric Medications

By Jeff Boatman, APRN-MHCNS

 

We live in a society where we are accustomed to – and expect – instant gratification and results. However, for many of us, the process of finding the correct psychiatric medication can take time and be extremely frustrating. Oftentimes, we have been misdiagnosed or have tried multiple different psychotropic meds over long periods of time – with minimal positive outcomes. Sometimes, we can become so frustrated that we want to “give up” on finding the right medication, and the problems continue or worsen. It is critical for us to have a clear understanding of the process and potential challenges of switching psychiatric medications so that we can understand and be prepared for the experience.  Switching psychiatric medications can be a crucial step in managing mental health conditions effectively, and this article aims to share valuable information to consider when transitioning between medications, ensuring a smoother and safer experience.
It is vital to have a good working relationship with a psychiatric provider whom you trust when considering a switch. A provider should involve you, the patient, in the decision-making process and be willing to consider your previous experiences with medications, comorbidities, and other factors that may affect the treatment. As a patient, you have a responsibility to share your concerns, symptoms, and goals to ensure the new medication aligns with YOUR specific needs. The provider should spend an appropriate amount of time educating patients and families about all the dynamics involved in making a switch and allow adequate time for questions to be answered and expectations to be discussed. Here are some important considerations that the provider should address with you.
  • Understanding Reasons for Switching Psychotropic – Changes to medication may occur due to various reasons. It could be due to inadequate symptom relief, intolerable side effects, lack of response to the current medication, interactions with other medications, cost, or the emergence of new symptoms. Understanding the specific reasons behind the switch can help you and your healthcare provider make informed decisions regarding alternative medications or treatment strategies.
  • Importance of Gradual Tapering and Titration – Switching psychiatric medications often requires a gradual tapering from the current medication while simultaneously introducing the new one. Abrupt discontinuation can lead to withdrawal symptoms or a sudden worsening of symptoms. Follow your healthcare provider’s instructions carefully regarding the tapering and titration schedule. It may take several weeks or longer to transition fully, as this allows your body to adjust to the new medication while minimizing potential adverse effects. In addition, patients need to be educated about possible withdrawal symptoms that may occur. Some people may experience withdrawal symptoms when switching from one psychotropic drug to another. These symptoms can include anxiety, depression, insomnia, and irritability.
  • Potential Interactions: The provider should explain to the patient and family any potential interactions between the new medication and other medications that the patient is taking. You should also be advised on any food or beverages to avoid when taking the new medication.
  • Potential Side Effects and Monitoring. Different psychiatric medications can have varying side effects. Your healthcare provider should inform you about potential side effects associated with the new medication. Common side effects may include gastrointestinal discomfort, dizziness, drowsiness, changes in appetite, weight gain, lethargy, changes in sleep patterns, or sexual dysfunction. Be aware of these possibilities but remember that not everyone experiences them. Regular check-ins and follow-up appointments with your psychiatric provider are crucial during the transition phase to monitor your response to the new medication and address any concerns or side effects that may arise.
  • A clear understanding of the new medication: The provider should explain the new medication, including its name (generic and name brand), action, dosage, scheduling if it should be taken with or without food, possible side effects to look for, and what the realistic expectations should be.
  • Plan for monitoring: The provider should explain how you will be monitored during the transition to the new medication. This may include a phone call, a text to a provider with an update, more frequent follow-up appointments, and possible blood tests. It is important that there is a plan for the patient to reach out if experiencing issues.
Switching psychiatric medications can be challenging, and it is essential to remain patient throughout the process. It may take time to find the right medication and dosage that works best for you. Changing medications requires careful consideration, open communication with healthcare providers, and patience. By understanding the reasons behind the switch, following gradual tapering and titration protocols, being aware of potential side effects, and maintaining regular communication with your healthcare provider, you can navigate the transition process more effectively and improve your mental health outcomes. Remember, you are not alone—seek the support you need to ensure a successful switch.
29 Jun
Mollie Appelbaum, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C Family

Beyond Parenthood: Nurturing Relationships and Maintaining Connections

By Mollie Appelbaum, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C

 

Becoming a parent is a transformative experience that brings immense joy and fulfillment. However, raising children can also undoubtedly be overwhelming. Amidst the demands of raising children, it’s crucial to remember the importance of nurturing your own relationships and maintaining connections that were present pre-parenthood. Below, I have outlined ways to help parents navigate the role of balancing child-rearing responsibilities while simultaneously fostering meaningful connections with others.
Prioritizing Relationships: Recognizing Their Value
Acknowledging the importance of relationships in your life beyond your role as a parent is important. Having relationships with others creates a sense of emotional support. Parenthood can bring on many emotions including fulfillment, joy, exhaustion, and stress. Maintaining important relationships in your life provides you with a support system. This support system allows you to share experiences, seek advice, and talk with others who may be able to empathize with your journey through parenthood. These connections can alleviate feelings of isolation and allow you to feel a sense of reassurance, validation, and “togetherness”. Nurturing relationships and friendships contribute to your overall well-being. These relationships provide opportunities for laughter, enjoyment, and relaxation. Engaging in activities and spending time with loved ones can boost your mood, reduce stress levels, and enhance your mental and emotional well-being. Building and maintaining strong relationships and friendships during the early stages of parenthood can lay the foundation for long-term support. As your child grows, these connections can become an extended network of support for both you and your child.
Friendships and Social Connections: Cultivating a Supportive Network
At times parenthood can lead to social isolation or withdrawal. The demands of parenting and the exhaustion that often accompanies it may cause some parents to prioritize rest and family time over socializing. This can result in reduced contact and less frequent interaction with friends. Parenthood can also bring about shifts in friendship dynamics. Parenting responsibilities often require planning and structure, leaving less room for spontaneous outings or last-minute social engagements. Parents may need to prioritize childcare arrangements or adhere to routines, which can make it harder to engage in impromptu social activities with friends. A simple phone call or text may offer a chance to reconnect with a friend you haven’t seen for a while. Plan a set date on the calendar for dinner out or pick up takeout so you don’t have to stress about childcare arrangements. Parents may find themselves gravitating towards other parents who can relate to their experiences, while non-parent friends may seek connections with individuals who are in similar life stages. This doesn’t mean friendships end, but they may require adjustments and additional effort to maintain. Parenthood can deepen existing friendships or foster new ones. Each of these friendships, whether old or new, creates a feeling of connection and support.
Open and Honest Communication: Addressing Relationship Challenges
Becoming a parent often involves a transition in your role and identity. Individuals may experience a shift in their sense of self, and adjustments are required as partners adapt to their new parental roles. This process can bring about a renegotiation of responsibilities and changes in dynamics within the relationship. The demands of parenting can sometimes also affect the romantic and intimate aspects of a relationship. Physical intimacy may be impacted by fatigue or changes in body image, and finding time for romantic moments may become more challenging. It is important to pour into your relationship and try to make a conscious effort of setting aside time to be able to spend quality one on one time together. Dedicating time to prioritize your relationship may not always be easy, as raising children demands a significant amount of time and energy, leaving you with less availability for one another other. Sleep deprivation, childcare responsibilities, and other parenting tasks can leave partners feeling exhausted and less attentive to their relationship. Nurture understanding and forgiveness in the relationship in these tough moments and seek professional guidance if needed. Effective teamwork, communication, and support between partners are vital for maintaining a healthy relationship while raising children. Sharing responsibilities, offering emotional support, and finding ways to lighten each other’s burdens can strengthen the bond and help navigate the challenges of parenthood.
Maintaining connections beyond parenthood is essential for our emotional and mental well-being. By prioritizing relationships, investing in quality time, nurturing friendships, seeking support, and embracing open communication, parents can navigate the challenges of parenting while sustaining meaningful connections with their partners, friends, and loved ones. Remember, relationships require effort and attention, but the rewards of nurturing those connections extend far beyond the realm of parenting, impacting our lives in immeasurable ways.
14 Jun
Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Family

The Top 5 Things Parents Should Consider This Summer

By Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW

 

Summer is officially here which means many parents are beginning to express both excitement and even a little bit of dread for the months ahead! School is out and many families will be juggling all the “summer plans”, or lack thereof. Either way, it’s important to consider how to set your family up for a fulfilling summer. Here are five things to consider to make the most out of the summer months…
Scheduled Family Time- Make it an expectation. Put it on a calendar. Stick to it. Family time is crucial at any time of the year! Things like game nights, movie mornings, a backyard campout, or a monthly themed dinner; consider any lighthearted ways to spend time together as a family. Yes, your teens will likely push back on this idea, but that’s what teens do. Still, make it happen and expect them to be there. They will thank you later!
Get Involved- Have your child involved in at least one productive activity this summer. From a camp to a regularly scheduled day at grandma’s house, having something to do with others is so important for our children’s social-emotional well-being. It’s also important to have your child be a part of the planning process for this. Bring them into the discussion of their summer plans. While you’re at it, share your summer expectations and listen to any hopes/expectations they may have for their summer too.
Stay In Touch- Be aware of your child’s technology usage this summer. App’s like “Net Nanny”, “Bark” and “Canopy” can provide a level of protection to ensure your children (and the people they communicate with!) are safe. Stay in touch with your children by communicating with them as both good and hard things come up over the summer months.
Balance- Encourage a healthy balance of scheduled time vs downtime for your children. Boredom is GOOD! Boredom is becoming a lost emotion that we should consider allowing our children to feel again. However, for some children, if a lack of involvement occurs undesirable behaviors may start to arise. Try to identify this line between boredom and lack of involvement. If behaviors become a problem, schedule an activity for them. It’s all about balance!
Continue / Start Therapy- Whether your child is currently seeing a therapist, recently paused therapy, or never has been, it is a good idea to schedule some consistent sessions over the summer. Despite what some think, summer months are the ideal time to commit to our mental health. With school on break, it allows kids to focus more on self-growth and sets them up for further success when the school year begins again.
West County Behavioral Health wishes you and your family a safe and happy summer!
If you need us, we are here!
314-200-5131
07 Jun
Hadley McIntyre, MSW, LMSW Family, Help with teens

The Dark Side of TikTok: Unraveling Mental Health Misinformation

By Hadley McIntyre, MSW, LMSW

 

In recent years, TikTok has emerged as a global phenomenon, captivating millions of users with its short videos. While the platform offers a space for creativity, entertainment, and connection, it also brings a concerning aspect: the spread of mental health misinformation. As individuals seek guidance and support for their mental well-being, they often encounter a flood of content on TikTok that promotes ambiguous advice, harmful practices, and inaccurate information.
TikTok’s algorithm is designed to tailor content to user’s preferences, often resulting in a groupthink effect. Consequently, users exploring mental health topics may find themselves confronted with a wide range of content, including personal stories, coping mechanisms, and self-help advice. While many creators genuinely strive to share helpful information, the unregulated nature of TikTok allows for the spread of misinformation.
One of the most troubling aspects of mental health misinformation on TikTok is the spread of misleading advice and harmful practices. Some creators, lacking professional expertise, offer unverified remedies for mental health conditions such as anxiety, depression, or eating disorders. These recommendations can range from dangerous dieting techniques to unproven therapies, potentially exacerbating individuals’ struggles and compromising their well-being.
TikTok’s concise nature often leads to oversimplification of information. Mental health conditions are complex and multifaceted, requiring professional training and personalized approaches. Unfortunately, on TikTok, misinformation can perpetuate harmful stereotypes, stigmatize individuals with mental health challenges, and undermine the importance of seeking professional help.
TikTok’s lax content moderation policies present a significant challenge in combating mental health misinformation. While the platform has made efforts to address harmful content, the sheer volume of videos makes it difficult to identify and remove all misleading information effectively. Additionally, the absence of a system to verify the credentials of mental health influencers further compounds the problem, allowing unqualified individuals to present themselves as experts.
The consequences of mental health misinformation on TikTok can be devastating, particularly for vulnerable users who rely on the platform for guidance. Misleading advice may lead individuals to self-diagnose, dismiss professional help, or experiment with harmful practices. This can further isolate and worsen their mental health, impeding their recovery and increasing the risk of serious consequences.
Addressing mental health misinformation on TikTok requires a collective effort from users, creators, and the platform itself. Users should approach mental health content with skepticism, fact-check information before accepting it as truth, and seek professional guidance when needed. Creators should take responsibility for their influence, ensuring that their content is accurate, evidence-based, and transparent about their qualifications.
TikTok’s immense popularity comes with significant responsibilities. While the platform has undoubtedly fostered a sense of community and creativity, it also serves as a breeding ground for mental health misinformation. Recognizing the dangers of such misinformation is crucial to protect vulnerable users and promote genuine support.
24 Mar
Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW Medication Management

What Parents Should Know About Children and Psychiatric Medication

While pediatricians are an important part of a child’s healthcare team, seeing a psychiatrist for medication management can be crucial for a child’s mental health treatment. Here are some reasons why:
Expertise: Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in mental health. They have extensive training and experience in diagnosing and treating mental health conditions, including those that require medication management. While pediatricians have some training in mental health, their expertise is primarily focused on physical health and development.
Diagnosis: Psychiatric diagnosis can be complex, and accurate diagnosis is key to effective treatment. Psychiatrists have a deep understanding of the various mental health conditions that can affect children and can provide an accurate diagnosis based on a comprehensive evaluation. They can also differentiate between similar symptoms that may be caused by different conditions.
Medication Management: Medication can be an effective treatment for many mental health conditions in children, but it must be carefully managed to ensure safety and effectiveness. Psychiatrists have a deep understanding of the medications used to treat mental health conditions, including their potential side effects, interactions, and appropriate dosages. They can also monitor a child’s response to medication over time and adjust treatment as needed.
Therapy: Psychiatrists can provide clinical guidance well as medication management. Because they understand and specialize in mental health diagnoses, they can help make sure that all of the mental health pieces are being considered and addressed. As such, they can help connect children to a therapist who would be an appropriate match for the specific issues that they are treating, and can then collaborate with this therapist to provide the utmost quality of care.
Overall, while pediatricians are an important part of a child’s healthcare team, they may not have the specialized training and expertise needed to effectively manage a child’s mental health treatment with medication. A child seeing a psychiatrist can benefit from their specialized knowledge and experience in mental health diagnosis and treatment, leading to more effective and safer medication management. At West County Behavioral Health, we have the complete team – therapists and psychiatrists collaborating together – to make sure that your child gets the BEST care possible!!
West County Behavioral Health offers full service medication management for both children and adults.  Please contact our office at 314-200-5119 to schedule and appointment with one of our providers.
Meet Our Medication Management Team
Shelah Radke, MD, JD
Pursuing mental wellness is a sign of strength. As a Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Physician, I have enjoyed celebrating my client’s strengths for the past 10 years, having dedicated my career to working with children, adolescents, and young adults in the field of psychiatric medicine.
  • Double Board-Certified in Psychiatry and Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
  • Graduated from Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine
  • Residency at University Hospitals of Cleveland and Fellowship through Rainbow Babies and Children’s Hospital in Cleveland, Ohio.
  • Recently served as the Medical Director of Child Crisis Psychiatry Services at Mercy Hospital in St. Louis
  • Provided direct clinical care in two private practice settings in the Washington, D.C, area
  • Worked with clients at Monarch boarding school in Cleveland, Ohio, collaborating with teachers and parents frequently to optimize opportunities for creative learning.
I am committed to using evidence-based practices, including integrative, lifestyle, and pharmacological interventions, to help my patients achieve better mental health outcomes. I also enjoy partnering with clients by using the shared decision-making model of care. I work with clients to understand their unique needs and goals, and together we develop personalized treatment goals that are tailored to their individual needs. This approach empowers patients to take an active role in their own care and can lead to more positive outcomes and greater overall satisfaction with the treatment process.
Jeff Boatman, APRN-MHCNS
I received my Bachelor of Science in Nursing and my Master of Science in Nursing from St. Louis University, specializing in Psychiatric Adult Mental Health Nursing. I have worked for over 25 years as a certified Advanced Practice Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric and Mental Health Nursing. While in private practice, I have had a collaborative practice arrangement with Dr. Adam Sky.
I function as an Advanced Psychiatric Practice Nurse with prescriptive authority and have seen patients in hospital, office, and nursing home settings. I serve the adult population, age 25 and up. I am affiliated and have privileges at St. Mary’s Health Center in St. Louis. In addition, I am an active member in the American Psychiatric Nurse’s Association and the APNA Missouri Chapter where I have served on the Board.
I look forward to serving your psychiatric and medication needs with compassion and skill – I want to take the time to truly understand your situation and offer you the tools to feel better and stay well.
09 Mar
Molly Meyerson, MSW, LMSW Family, Grief, Help with teens

Sitting with Grief

Molly Meyerson, MSW, LMSW
Typically, when we think about grief, we think about the loss of a loved one. We think about having to continue living our life without the presence of a person we thought we would never be without. While this type of grief is profound, we can feel grief in other areas of our lives as well. It is important to acknowledge and identify the times in our lives in which we experience grief. However, I want to do more than just acknowledge grief. I want to talk about sitting with grief. I want to talk about allowing ourselves to feel it fully, and how we can create the space in our lives to do so.
We may experience grief when we are navigating major life transitions; where we find ourselves parting ways with versions of ourselves or lives we have lived in order to grow. We may grieve those versions of ourselves we were before experiencing a life-altering event. We may experience grief as a result of making hard decisions, losing a job, or changing careers. In all of these examples, grief is a result of changes we experience. Whether change is planned or unexpected, the grief that accompanies it can feel heavy. Sometimes it can feel debilitating. We may find it difficult to embrace or even accept certain changes.
When grief is present in our lives, a normal reaction can be to avoid it – to distract ourselves from it. To find ways around feeling it when it feels too painful. An unfortunate truth about avoidance is that it does not help our feelings “go away.” We may not realize it at first, but when we avoid our grief, we are avoiding many other things too.
Dr. Brene Brown speaks beautifully about this topic when she says, “you cannot selectively numb emotions.” When we attempt to numb negative emotions, we inadvertently numb the good ones too. Our capacity to feel painful emotions correlates with our capacity to feel joy, love, happiness, etc. When we don’t allow ourselves to feel our grief, we often feel stuck, anxious, and unhappy.
So, what does this mean? If grief is unavoidable, and inevitably comes with change, what do we do when waves of grief crash on our shores? How do we ride out the storm when we can’t stop it? We can start by letting ourselves feel it. We can create an environment for ourselves to feel everything we need to feel while grieving. Just as we create space in our lives for happiness, it is important to be intentional when creating an environment to feel our sadness and grief. If we can feel safe while sitting with grief, we facilitate our own healing.
Give yourself permission to slow down. Go on a walk, listen to your favorite music, let yourself cry, practice self-care, and take time out of your days to just be. Lean into social support and loved ones while navigating your grief. Acknowledge the love that still takes up space in your heart for whatever you are grieving. When we honor our grief, we are honoring our love as well. And the most important thing to offer yourself is TIME. There is no way to expedite the grieving process. It will take time, and time will feel incredibly slow. While it feels slow, remember that it is still passing by. And, each day that passes is another day that we have survived. When we find ways to sit with pain and grief, we can be reminded that we have already survived the loss.
Unfortunately, there is nothing I can write to remove grief from our lives, and that is not my goal. The purpose of this piece is to remind you that you have every right to sit with your grief for as long as you need. We live in a fast-moving world, but grief is an experience in which fast-paced living will be unproductive and potentially harmful. It is okay to slow down, it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to just be while we’re processing these changes and losses.
If grief is something you are sitting with right now, you are not alone. Grief and change are inevitable, but they are only waves in a storm, and eventually, the worst of the storm will pass. If we are willing to experience the grief that comes with change, we can grow into new versions of ourselves, and experience lives yet unknown to us. We owe it to ourselves to feel it all, so we can experience life to the greatest capacity possible.
Whatever life looks like for you right now, if you are experiencing grief, I hope you have the courage to sit with it and honor all of who you are. If you find yourself feeling stuck and unable to move through the grieving process, reach out to a therapist for help. Grief is not something to run from. It is a reminder of how deeply we can love.
06 Mar
Mollie Appelbaum, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C Family, Pregnancy

Being a Mom is in Fact Not Easy The Journey into Pregnancy and Postpartum

By Mollie Appelbaum, MSW, LCSW, PMH-C

 

When a mom gives birth, she is immediately bombarded with inquiries about how the baby is doing. Is the baby happy? Is the baby sleeping? How is the baby eating? Rarely is mom asked how she is doing. Is mom sleeping? Is mom eating? Is mom happy? Without anyone asking or checking in, mom may be struggling in silence. And even if she may occasionally be asked about her well-being, she may feel ashamed to admit that she is feeling anything short of wonderful. We are told that having a baby is supposed to be the best thing to ever happen to us, right? So, what do we do when the feeling of joy we are promised is overshadowed by feeling lost, overwhelmed, anxious or depress
Women are typically informed about the birthing experience, what to expect when expecting, and what a healthy pregnancy looks like. The post-partum period, however, is often glossed over. We may have heard about post-partum depression or anxiety in passing or read about it in a small handout provided to us in our OB’s office, but most of us don’t take the time to become educated on it. Mothers may be afraid to share their struggles – worried they somehow make them a bad mom. They are often left with a myriad of uncertainties. I remember as a first-time mom, scouring the internet for answers on breastfeeding, sleep schedules, and developmental milestones. Attempting to find some answers to those late-night questions spiraling in my head as I rocked my new baby to sleep, I would be met with many women struggling with the same questions. Post after post of women wondering – is this normal? Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel depressed when my sister seemed so happy when her baby was born? Why am I so anxious about everything all of a sudden?
We don’t discuss the ways moms’ hormones continue to fluctuate drastically after birth, how mothers are hit with the pressure to quickly “bounce back” to pre-pregnancy weight, or how they are expected to get back to work after an eight-week maternity leave. We downplay the impact of sleep deprivation on the body. We don’t tell them that they are likely to experience some anxiety or intrusive thoughts after giving birth. We send them on their way with a brand new human and check in around 6 weeks later. As they navigate this new life, women are often left questioning; “who am I outside of being a mom and how do I find myself again?”
Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders can impact anyone during pregnancy or following birth; one in five to seven women and one in ten men report having symptoms of these disorders. Baby blues, although not a clinical diagnosis, can also be incredibly challenging for new mothers. Sixty to eighty percent of new mothers experience these and they can last between two days to two weeks after birth. A multitude of symptoms can present themselves in an individual suffering from perinatal disorders including a depressed mood, loss of interest, inability to cope, lack of connection with the baby, feeling worthless, irritability, and inability to control one’s own thoughts. There are many risks associated with untreated postpartum mood and anxiety disorders including relational problems, exacerbation of medical conditions, child neglect and abuse, infanticide, homicide, suicide, drug use, separation/divorce, and loss of interpersonal resources. If you are struggling with any of these issues, it is imperative that you reach out to an individual trained in the evaluation and treatment of perinatal mood disorders. This individual will have the tools and training to treat the symptoms at hand. They can help gather a clear history, develop a treatment plan with you moving forward, and be a safe space to walk through the journey of motherhood with.
Whether or not you are struggling with postpartum depression or any type of perinatal disorder it is essential that you care for yourself during this time. I have provided some relatively simple strategies that new and expecting mothers can utilize during this challenging time.
Reach Out
Utilize your support group; your mother, your sister, your cousin, your friend, your doctor, or your therapist. Tell them how you are feeling. Ask for help. Let someone make a meal. Allow someone to hold the baby while you get some time to yourself to shower and brush your hair. You are not only taking care of yourself but also providing for another life, which requires you to make yourself a priority. If someone offers to help, and you are in the position to, take the help. Please feel empowered to ask for help when you are struggling. It is not in any way a weakness, in fact, it takes a great deal of strength to do so.
Reconnect
Try your best to make time for the things you enjoy. Whether it is grabbing lunch with friends, hitting the pickleball courts, going out on a date night, or simply picking up the phone to have a long overdue conversation with a friend. Find ways to let your “old life” creep back in and remind you of the foundation of who you are. And most of all, don’t feel guilty. You deserve personal time. Who you were before you became a mother is still who you are. You may have extra responsibilities and a few less hours of sleep, but you are still you. And if you are struggling to find who “you,” is, please be patient. It can take time and a lot of adjusting, but you will get there.
Reset
“Sleep when the baby sleeps,” is often easier said than done. You have fifty things on your to-do list, and one hour to get those fifty things done. And let’s be honest, sleep isn’t always number one on that list when you’re staring at the mountain of laundry from the past few days. But slowing down and resetting is vital to your overall well-being. Give yourself fifteen minutes to sit with a cup of coffee and let your mind rest. Put on your favorite television show or read a book. Whatever it may be that allows you to hit the reset button and more effectively tackle the day ahead, do that. The best thing you can give a child is a healthy parent.
At the end of the day, it is important to remember just that – you cannot be fully present for your new baby and family if you are not prioritizing your own self-care. It is not selfish to focus on yourself when you can and to create time and space for that. It is essential! And remember – if you cannot get in balance and feel yourself struggling, please reach out because support is available!
I believe that we all go through ups and downs in life, and I am dedicated to supporting you and guiding you through those trying times. Navigating life transitions can be complicated and difficult, and one of the most monumental transitions is that of pregnancy and postpartum. I have a particular passion for helping new mothers (and fathers) move through those challenging times. I have gone through extensive training to highlight the need for maternal mental health services and am committed to offering the best care as a Perinatal Mental Health Specialist. I am here to offer a safe space to those experiencing perinatal anxiety and depression, intrusive thoughts, pregnancy loss, and labor and delivery challenges, and to support those who just need help navigating through this journey called motherhood.
In addition to this specialty, I also work with a variety of other issues, including general depression and anxiety, as well as relationship issues. I believe that our relationships with others play a vital role in our functioning, and I enjoy working with others to help strengthen those relationships. I enjoy working with those who are ready to take the next step to develop a healthier relationship with themselves and others (whether that be their significant other, family, or friends). My goal is to help you achieve your goals while uncovering and processing the tough emotions that have been barriers to your happiness.
I use a variety of modalities depending on your needs – including CBT, EFT, and mindfulness. I will be here as a nonjudgmental, supportive clinician, helping you in your personal growth. I look forward to working with you!

 
24 Jan
Tony Tramelli, LPC Uncategorized

The Benefits of Boredom

A memory that most of us can recall in vivid detail from our childhood is the excruciating experience of being bored. For many, it may have been our first experience of internal suffering. We would have had to sit with this feeling for some time before we even realized what it was, which would have required an internal examination of our emotions. We had, up until that point, experienced many uncomfortable feelings: hunger, tiredness, sadness, and frustration, but nothing quite like this. In that moment of boredom, we were presented with a seemingly unsolvable problem; one in which we had to ask ourselves “What am I supposed to do here?” It was an experience that forced us to look inward. We had to ask ourselves, “What is it that I truly want?”
We may have gone to our parents to express our discomfort and beg for their help, but likely they would have told us that we have to figure something out on our own. I remember my own mother saying something to the effect of, “Well, sweetheart, that’s really not my problem, is it?” We certainly would have felt a sense of frustration when our parents were unwilling or unable to help, but eventually, we were forced to conclude that only we possessed the power to alleviate this discomfort.
As is true of most suffering, this experience possessed tremendous value. It inspired us to try something new, to pick up a book or an instrument, to explore, to call a friend, to paint, to create. It gave us an opportunity at a very young age to imagine a future with endless possibilities. Only if we had the experience of being bored could we imagine a future in which we were not. Without us realizing it, it helped us begin the process of developing resiliency and self-sufficiency. It also taught us patience, planning, and problem-solving skills along with the ability to delay gratification. We tend to assume that these qualities are in some way innate. That some of us are born more resilient or more patient. That could not be further from the truth. These are learned skills and, as such, they must be taught and practiced. I can think of no experience quite like boredom to help children grow and strengthen these skills.
Unfortunately, today’s children are growing up in a culture in which they quite literally never have to be bored. There are several reasons for this. Many of our kids are astonishingly overscheduled; they go from school to tutors, to practice, to homework, to bed. They rarely have an opportunity to relax and to sit with themselves. During the rare occasion that they do have some unscheduled time, they may have parents who feel that it is their responsibility to constantly be engaging with and entertaining their children. Along with that unreasonable and impossible expectation, children have a multitude of devices and games that will immediately resolve any semblance of the feeling.
If we place a tablet or a phone in the hands of a young child every time they tell us (or show us) that they are bored, we rob them of the opportunity to experience the many opportunities that boredom creates. How many artists, authors, musicians, architects, and designers will miss the opportunity to find their passion because they never had the opportunity to imagine it? The introduction of devices at a young age also begins the unnatural hardwiring of the brain that teaches children to expect immediate gratification in everything that they do. Everything else in their world will seem bland and uninteresting when compared to the type of stimulation that only technology can provide. These devices are constructed with the intention of creating addiction in their users. We need to be aware of this as we consider the appropriateness of handing a young child a phone or tablet.
It is so important that we give our children the opportunities to experience these once naturally occurring experiences. To do this we first must provide children with unstructured time. Resist the urge to fill every minute of their day with productivity and plans. Consider having one day a week or even one evening a week without any structured activities. Also, we must resist the nagging voice in our heads that tells us that we are responsible for always keeping our kids happy. This is one of the most damaging mindsets we can have as parents. It cripples our children’s sense of autonomy and makes them believe falsely that they are not themselves responsible for their well-being. If your child comes to you and says that they are bored, put the responsibility back on them. Ask them what they think they can do in this situation. We can certainly offer them suggestions if they are really struggling, but in the end, it is not really our problem, is it?
24 Jan
Taylor Paschal, MSW, LMSW Difficult Conversations

Navigating Difficult Conversations

By Taylor Paschal, LMSW

It is easy to look back and remember major stressful situations. This year, particularly, there were so many people feeling anxious or weary of what the months to come might bring. For some of us, the new year also brought hard conversations during parties or family gatherings. We found ourselves walking on eggshells, hoping and praying that controversial topics didn’t arise for fear of what the conversation might have turned into.
As a therapist, I can’t help but notice that theme in our society today – the fear of hard conversations. Why do we fear the opportunity to engage with an individual that has a different point of view from our own? Is it because we fear being wrong or looking uninformed? Maybe it’s the desire to avoid confrontation and what the aftermath could be for the relationship. Or maybe we see the ugliness that comes out of such discussions online, and we’d just rather avoid them in person. Regardless of why it’s worth exploring why we leave difficult topics left unsaid.
In therapy, effective communication is often a theme of sessions. Focusing on strategies for improving conflict resolution or navigating challenging interactions are pivotal. For example, it’s challenging to learn to listen with the purpose of understanding rather than to reply. Allowing someone to feel heard, even when disagreements occur, will often prevent the interaction from becoming negative. Effective listening can go a long way when attempting to soften a challenging interaction. Listening helps us stay in the moment and regulate our emotions when we’re navigating conflict.
In addition to listening, it can be extremely helpful to pay attention to our nonverbal cues when communicating. Often, our nonverbals speak louder than the words themselves. Nonverbal communication includes physical behavior, expressions, and the mannerisms utilized when communicating. To be fair, these are often done instinctively rather than consciously, but nonetheless, play a large role in the success of the conversation. Taking the time to invest in developing awareness of body language and tone of voice can have a profound impact on how we communicate.
Using myself as an example, the ability to regulate and control my body language directly impacts the effectiveness of the therapy I provide to clients. In most cases, when an individual’s emotion takes over the conversation, the interaction can quickly feel very personal. When an individual is vulnerable by sharing something personal, they could be hypersensitive to the reaction. Thus, during times of high emotions or sensitivity with clients, I utilize mindfulness to be aware of what my nonverbals may be saying. A few ways this is done is through a calm soothing tone, providing caring gestures, maintaining eye contact, and controlling the level of my voice.
In our culture today, communication seems to become a battle easily. But there is a way to disagree respectfully. So often, we feel the need to continue arguing over a difference of opinion. It can be challenging, but intentionally viewing the conversation as an exchange of ideas can be helpful. Focusing on the good, avoiding it becoming personal, and eliminating the word “but” can be helpful when trying to disagree respectfully. Staying calm and regulating emotions allows both parties to feel comfortable expressing themselves effectively in challenging situations. Ultimately though, at some point, the time comes to just move on. It is ok to leave our argument on the table and decide to take the interaction in a more positive direction or walk away. The option of agreeing to disagree to achieve a resolution is always available to us.
Effective communication, especially when it comes to conflict resolution, is quite an art. Developing more effective communication skills does take intentionality, but doesn’t have to be strenuous. Learning how to communicate more effectively allows for self-expression that benefits various aspects of an individual’s life. Think about all of our personal and professional relationships which could be improved through stronger, more mindful communication skills. Maybe, next holiday season won’t be so scary.
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