When a mom gives birth, she is immediately bombarded with inquiries about how the baby is doing. Is the baby happy? Is the baby sleeping? How is the baby eating? Rarely is mom asked how she is doing. Is mom sleeping? Is mom eating? Is mom happy? Without anyone asking or checking in, mom may be struggling in silence. And even if she may occasionally be asked about her well-being, she may feel ashamed to admit that she is feeling anything short of wonderful. We are told that having a baby is supposed to be the best thing to ever happen to us, right? So, what do we do when the feeling of joy we are promised is overshadowed by feeling lost, overwhelmed, anxious or depress
Women are typically informed about the birthing experience, what to expect when expecting, and what a healthy pregnancy looks like. The post-partum period, however, is often glossed over. We may have heard about post-partum depression or anxiety in passing or read about it in a small handout provided to us in our OB’s office, but most of us don’t take the time to become educated on it. Mothers may be afraid to share their struggles – worried they somehow make them a bad mom. They are often left with a myriad of uncertainties. I remember as a first-time mom, scouring the internet for answers on breastfeeding, sleep schedules, and developmental milestones. Attempting to find some answers to those late-night questions spiraling in my head as I rocked my new baby to sleep, I would be met with many women struggling with the same questions. Post after post of women wondering – is this normal? Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel depressed when my sister seemed so happy when her baby was born? Why am I so anxious about everything all of a sudden?
We don’t discuss the ways moms’ hormones continue to fluctuate drastically after birth, how mothers are hit with the pressure to quickly “bounce back” to pre-pregnancy weight, or how they are expected to get back to work after an eight-week maternity leave. We downplay the impact of sleep deprivation on the body. We don’t tell them that they are likely to experience some anxiety or intrusive thoughts after giving birth. We send them on their way with a brand new human and check in around 6 weeks later. As they navigate this new life, women are often left questioning; “who am I outside of being a mom and how do I find myself again?”
Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders can impact anyone during pregnancy or following birth; one in five to seven women and one in ten men report having symptoms of these disorders. Baby blues, although not a clinical diagnosis, can also be incredibly challenging for new mothers. Sixty to eighty percent of new mothers experience these and they can last between two days to two weeks after birth. A multitude of symptoms can present themselves in an individual suffering from perinatal disorders including a depressed mood, loss of interest, inability to cope, lack of connection with the baby, feeling worthless, irritability, and inability to control one’s own thoughts. There are many risks associated with untreated postpartum mood and anxiety disorders including relational problems, exacerbation of medical conditions, child neglect and abuse, infanticide, homicide, suicide, drug use, separation/divorce, and loss of interpersonal resources. If you are struggling with any of these issues, it is imperative that you reach out to an individual trained in the evaluation and treatment of perinatal mood disorders. This individual will have the tools and training to treat the symptoms at hand. They can help gather a clear history, develop a treatment plan with you moving forward, and be a safe space to walk through the journey of motherhood with.
Whether or not you are struggling with postpartum depression or any type of perinatal disorder it is essential that you care for yourself during this time. I have provided some relatively simple strategies that new and expecting mothers can utilize during this challenging time.
Reach Out
Utilize your support group; your mother, your sister, your cousin, your friend, your doctor, or your therapist. Tell them how you are feeling. Ask for help. Let someone make a meal. Allow someone to hold the baby while you get some time to yourself to shower and brush your hair. You are not only taking care of yourself but also providing for another life, which requires you to make yourself a priority. If someone offers to help, and you are in the position to, take the help. Please feel empowered to ask for help when you are struggling. It is not in any way a weakness, in fact, it takes a great deal of strength to do so.
Reconnect
Try your best to make time for the things you enjoy. Whether it is grabbing lunch with friends, hitting the pickleball courts, going out on a date night, or simply picking up the phone to have a long overdue conversation with a friend. Find ways to let your “old life” creep back in and remind you of the foundation of who you are. And most of all, don’t feel guilty. You deserve personal time. Who you were before you became a mother is still who you are. You may have extra responsibilities and a few less hours of sleep, but you are still you. And if you are struggling to find who “you,” is, please be patient. It can take time and a lot of adjusting, but you will get there.
Reset
“Sleep when the baby sleeps,” is often easier said than done. You have fifty things on your to-do list, and one hour to get those fifty things done. And let’s be honest, sleep isn’t always number one on that list when you’re staring at the mountain of laundry from the past few days. But slowing down and resetting is vital to your overall well-being. Give yourself fifteen minutes to sit with a cup of coffee and let your mind rest. Put on your favorite television show or read a book. Whatever it may be that allows you to hit the reset button and more effectively tackle the day ahead, do that. The best thing you can give a child is a healthy parent.
At the end of the day, it is important to remember just that – you cannot be fully present for your new baby and family if you are not prioritizing your own self-care. It is not selfish to focus on yourself when you can and to create time and space for that. It is essential! And remember – if you cannot get in balance and feel yourself struggling, please reach out because support is available!
I believe that we all go through ups and downs in life, and I am dedicated to supporting you and guiding you through those trying times. Navigating life transitions can be complicated and difficult, and one of the most monumental transitions is that of pregnancy and postpartum. I have a particular passion for helping new mothers (and fathers) move through those challenging times. I have gone through extensive training to highlight the need for maternal mental health services and am committed to offering the best care as a Perinatal Mental Health Specialist. I am here to offer a safe space to those experiencing perinatal anxiety and depression, intrusive thoughts, pregnancy loss, and labor and delivery challenges, and to support those who just need help navigating through this journey called motherhood.
In addition to this specialty, I also work with a variety of other issues, including general depression and anxiety, as well as relationship issues. I believe that our relationships with others play a vital role in our functioning, and I enjoy working with others to help strengthen those relationships. I enjoy working with those who are ready to take the next step to develop a healthier relationship with themselves and others (whether that be their significant other, family, or friends). My goal is to help you achieve your goals while uncovering and processing the tough emotions that have been barriers to your happiness.
I use a variety of modalities depending on your needs – including CBT, EFT, and mindfulness. I will be here as a nonjudgmental, supportive clinician, helping you in your personal growth. I look forward to working with you!
