By: Jamie Caldwell, MSW, LMSW
With the holiday season quickly approaching, we often view this time of year as a time of celebration filled with joy, warmth, and family togetherness. Yet for many mothers, it can feel like a whirlwind of pressure to create the “perfect” holiday experience. This quest for perfection can lead to stress, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy. As a mental health therapist and a mother of three, I want to shed light on perfectionism among moms during the holidays and offer practical strategies to help ease these burdens.
Perfectionism is the belief that one must meet extraordinarily high standards, viewing anything less than perfect as failure. For mothers, this often translates into striving for a flawless holiday—whether it’s preparing the ultimate festive meal, selecting thoughtful gifts, or establishing unforgettable family traditions. While aiming for excellence can be motivating, it can also create significant stress and disappointment.
The Consequences of Perfectionism
Heightened Stress and Anxiety: The pressure to achieve a ideal holiday can lead to increased stress levels. Mothers may find themselves juggling an unrealistic number of responsibilities and feeling overwhelmed by their own expectations.
Feelings of Inadequacy: When perfection is the goal, even small setbacks can trigger feelings of failure, adversely affecting a mother’s self-esteem and mental health.
Strained Family Dynamics: The pursuit of perfection can put a strain on family relationships. Children might feel pressured to meet their mother’s high expectations, while spouses may feel overlooked or criticized.
While many of us struggle with perfectionism year-round, there are strategies that can help combat these feelings of inadequacy, increased stress and anxiety that often puts stain on our most valued relationships.
Strategies for Managing Holiday Perfectionism
Set Realistic Goals: Understand that perfection is impossible. Instead of striving for an ideal holiday, turn the focus towards creating meaningful moments. Concentrate on realistic, achievable goals that allow for flexibility and spontaneity.
Embrace Self-Compassion: Be gentle and give yourself some grace. It’s okay not to have everything under control. Reflect and allow time for self-care – as it is when we accept the imperfections of life that we are often led to the most memorable experiences.
Delegate Tasks: Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Involve family members in holiday preparations, whether it’s cooking, decorating, or planning activities. Sharing tasks can reduce pressure while providing an opportunity for family connection, increasing enthusiasm and providing a sense of empowerment for those who may not have been as involved in the past.
Prioritize Connection Over Perfection: Shift your focus from achieving perfection to fostering connection. Spend quality time with loved ones, engage in heartfelt conversations, and create lasting memories, which often bring more fulfillment than an ideal holiday setup.
Limit Social Media Comparisons: Social media can amplify feelings of inadequacy as we compare our realities to others’ seemingly perfect holiday depictions. Consider taking a break from social platforms or curating your feed to include positive content.
Reflect on Achievements: At the end of the holiday season, take time to reflect on what went well, what you enjoyed, and how to celebrate those moments. Recognizing your achievements, no matter how small, can encourage a sense of accomplishment.
The holiday season should be about joy and connection, not a source of stress and burden. By recognizing and addressing perfectionism, mothers can cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling holiday experience, not only for themselves, but also for their family. Remember, the most cherished memories often arise from life’s imperfections and the genuine moments shared with loved ones. Embrace the beauty of the season as it unfolds and allow yourself to enjoy the journey without the weight of perfectionism.