Life Transitions Archives - West County Behavioral Health

03 Oct

October 3, 2024October 3, 2024Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Development, Family, Help with teens, Life Transitions, Motivation, Teen Stress, Therapy

Back To School Acknowledging and Understanding School Stress

By Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW

“Back to School”… three words that typically hold some level of both excitement and worry for children and parents alike. Parents are excited for some return to “normalcy” while also feeling worried about all the new hurdles the school year could hold for their family. Children on the other hand are usually excited to see friends but also aware that going back to school might mean more stress or anxiety in their life. It’s safe to say that school stress is a very real thing for both children and their adult caregivers.

So, what do we do with these mixed emotions about going back to school? Specifically, the feelings that are causing us some level of emotional discomfort. The answer here is to first acknowledge it. Acknowledging these feelings allows us to start to process them. For adults, we may be able to acknowledge these emotions on our own but for some children, guidance may be needed in starting this conversation and self-reflection. As the adult, it is encouraged to provide a safe emotional space for your child to discuss how they are feeling about going back to school. A safe emotional space is created by using active listening and non-critical conversation. It is also important to recognize the importance of not trying to “fix it” but more so being present with the child as they acknowledge these feelings that exist. Practice sitting in the uncomfortableness of these feelings together. Acknowledge the feelings then move forward to processing.

When we think about processing our back-to-school emotions, specifically the negative ones, we can benefit from writing them down. After writing down our worries or concerns we can prioritize them to determine which worries hold the most weight for us or are causing the largest amount of stress. We then tackle those “big worries” first. Many

times, children’s worries are about the unknown or based on past school experiences. With some problem-solving skills, together, you can support your child in answering questions or figuring out who they can go to if they need more clarification about something. Some questions may not have quick or easy answers. If that is the case, it’s important to consider what strategies could be used to reduce anxiety when there is a lingering “unknown”. Many times, when there are too many “unknowns” for children they begin to show signs of needing more control through undesired behaviors. Answering questions and providing a space to figure out as many stressors as possible can reduce some of that back-to-school anxiety as well as a potential increased need for control.

It’s important for parents and caregivers to remember that children’s brains are still learning how to navigate difficult or confusing transitions. They need frequent guidance and support in learning how to handle difficult emotions and situations in a healthy way. School can be looked at as a child’s full-time job. They are there 7-8 hours a day Monday through Friday. They have expectations they are expected to meet and are evaluated daily on their performance and increase in skill. They may encounter peer struggles and have difficult or confusing interactions with their teachers. For most adults, the demand of their job is at times stressful so it’s only natural that children would feel this way too about their “job”. Considering this perspective allows us, adults, to have ongoing empathy for a child and their return to school. It helps parents and teachers understand how children may be viewing school and the stress related to it.

With this said, it is also important that parents and educators are taking appropriate measures to handle their own

back-to-school stress. Believe it or not, using the same strategies as noted above for supporting children, will also help you. Acknowledge the emotion and allow yourself space to process it with a friend, spouse, family member, or therapist. Then begin to problem solve to the best of your ability. Recognize what you DO have control of and what may take some time to figure out. For example, one thing parents do have control over is how they discuss their own back-to-school stress in front of children. It’s important to be mindful of the way adults talk about school as it can set the tone for a child’s opinion of it too.

By acknowledging and processing back-to-school feelings, you are allowing yourself and your child the opportunity to understand both the thoughts and the feelings that are currently present. When we can better understand our thoughts and feelings, we are more in tune with what supports or strategies we may need to utilize to get us through the situation at hand. School is undoubtedly both a source of happiness and stress for children and parents. By working together, the upcoming school year can be approached with courage, optimism, and excitement for all of the good things this year could bring.

22 May

May 22, 2024May 22, 2024Meagan Gerchan, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Family, Help with teens, Life Transitions, Teen Stress

Sun’s Out, Structure’s In

By Meagan Gerchen MSW, LCSW

Summer is full of fun, sunshine, and vacations. It can also be very stressful for many families.
Without the structure and schedule of the school week, many parents struggle to keep their
families engaged and active throughout the summer months. Humans thrive on structure, and
we need to do our best to maintain one – no matter what time of year. Here are some tips to
keep yourself and your family in a structure throughout the summer months…

1. Create a summer schedule. The more visual reminders the better! You could use a
whiteboard on your family’s refrigerator, a physical planner for yourself, or potentially an
application on your phone to keep track of the plans you have throughout the week. You
could even set reminders on your phone as well for appointment or task reminders. It
may give you or your child joy to check off the tasks on this list or check off a box next to
it to show what you have accomplished!

2. Ongoing activities and routines are important. Adults continue to have their work
schedules throughout the year; however, it is different for children. Look into ongoing
summer, sports, and camps for them to continue to have structure and childcare
throughout the summer. If that is not financially possible, look into ongoing play dates
with other peers to continue to stay busy throughout the day.

3. Make sure to include chores and responsibilities in the summer schedule. It is important
to remind yourself and your children that responsibilities are year-round. It could be
beneficial to chat with them about chores that are expected of them weekly and make
visual reminders, so they know what to expect for the upcoming week. Kids truly do
thrive when they have some consistency and structure.

4. Continue to prioritize your physical needs. It is important to get at least 7-8 hours of
sleep, have healthy meals, and have enough water throughout the day. Even though it
can be very tempting to just let kiddos regularly stay up really late and eat junk food
because it is summer break, try to keep your bedtimes and mealtimes as consistent as
you can. You want to ensure that you still prioritize your and your family’s health and give
yourself energy throughout the day.

5. Take time for self-care, even if this is 30 minutes to an hour a day. It is important to do
activities for yourself. Self-care is establishing behaviors to ensure holistic well-being.
Self-care can be taking a nap, exercising, spending time with friends, reading, or
engaging in hobbies that you enjoy.

All in all, remember to be kind and compassionate towards yourself too! There are so many
roles that we carry as humans such as professionals, parents, family members, board
members, students, and members of our community. Try not to put pressure on you and your
family to be perfect! However, you can try to remain consistent in some of these aspects. Most
importantly, don’t forget to enjoy yourselves over these next few months ahead!

22 May

May 22, 2024May 22, 2024Jamie Caldwell, MSW, LMSW Busy family, Development, Life Transitions, Parenting Special Needs Child

Nurturing Love Through Complexity: The Impact of Medically Complex Parenting on Marriage

By: Jamie Caldwell, MSW, LMSW

Parenting is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and unexpected twists and turns. For
couples navigating the complexities of raising a child with medical needs, the journey
can be particularly intense, testing the strength of their relationship in ways they never
imagined. The demands of caregiving, the emotional toll of uncertainty, and the financial
strain of medical expenses can all take a toll on a marriage. Yet, amidst the challenges,
many couples find that their bond grows stronger as they navigate the journey of
medically complex parenting together.

The journey begins with the diagnosis. Whether it’s a congenital condition, a chronic
illness, or a sudden medical crisis, receiving news of a child’s medical needs can be
devastating for parents. The shock and grief may strain the couple’s relationship as they
struggle to come to terms with their new reality. Each partner may cope with the
diagnosis differently, leading to feelings of isolation or misunderstanding. It’s crucial for
couples to communicate openly and support each other as they process their emotions
and adjust to their new role as caregivers.

As the couple settles into their caregiving routine, they often face countless challenges.
From frequent hospital visits and medical appointments to managing complex treatment
regimens and coordinating with healthcare providers, the demands of caregiving can be
overwhelming. Couples may find themselves juggling competing priorities, sacrificing
their own needs and desires to ensure their child receives the best possible care. This
can lead to feelings of burnout, resentment, and guilt… all of which put additional strain
on the marriage.

Financial concerns also loom large for couples raising a medically complex child. The
cost of medical care, therapies, adaptive equipment, and specialized education can
quickly add up, placing a significant burden on the family's finances. Couples may find
themselves grappling with insurance denials, navigating complicated healthcare
systems, and making difficult decisions about their financial future. The stress of
financial strain can exacerbate existing tensions within the marriage, leading to conflicts
regarding budgeting, spending, and long-term planning.

Despite these challenges, many couples find strength and resilience in their shared
experience of medically complex parenting. They learn to lean on each other for
support, drawing strength from their partnership as they face adversity together.
Through acts of kindness, patience, and unwavering commitment, they deepen their
bond and cultivate a sense of solidarity in the face of uncertainty. They celebrate small victories, find moments of joy amidst the chaos, and cherish the precious moments they share as a family.
Communication is key to preserving a strong and healthy marriage in the midst of
medically complex parenting. Couples must make time to talk openly and honestly
about their feelings, fears, and needs. They must learn to listen with empathy and
compassion, validating one another’s experiences and perspectives. In addition,
prioritizing their own physical and emotional well-being is critical as it is impossible to
pour from an empty cup.

Seeking support from friends, family, and fellow caregivers can also help couples
navigate the challenges of medically complex parenting. Support groups, online forums,
and counseling services provide valuable resources and a sense of community for
couples facing similar struggles. By connecting with others who understand their
journey, couples can find comfort, encouragement, and practical advice to help them
weather the storms together.

In the end, the journey of medically complex parenting is one of love, resilience, and
profound transformation. While it may test the limits of a marriage, this journey also has
the power to strengthen the bond between partners in ways they never imagined
possible. By facing adversity together with courage, compassion, and unwavering
devotion, couples are able to navigate the complexities of medically complex parenting
and emerge stronger, more connected, and more deeply in love than ever before.

25 Aug

August 25, 2023October 25, 2023Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW Busy family, Family, Help with teens, Life Transitions, Teen Stress

Staying Power: When Your Child Wants to Come Home From College

By Jennifer Van Luven, MSW, LCSW, CDM

Staying Power: When Your Child Wants to Come Home from College

Jennifer Webbe Van Luven, MSW, LCSW, CDM

As a mother of a college freshman, I must admit that I may be more attuned to the conversations of new college freshmen being “unhappy” and deciding to leave college – before it has really begun. Kids today find it very easy to call it quits and move back home and, alarmingly, many parents allow them. There may be several reasons as to why this happens. Do we live in a world where today’s youth need instant gratification? Is this generation just “entitled?” Have we given them the tools to fly the coop? Or is it that we parents have enabled this batch of kids so much that they lack the independence and skills to make it on their own?

Dissatisfaction with the college experience at the end of the first semester is not uncommon. Several national studies suggest that one-third of college students do not return for their sophomore year of college, though there is little data regarding how many of those students leave at the midpoint of their first year. However, both college personnel and first-year students know that there are many students who will not be back for the second semester.

There are good days and bad days for everyone, of course. College students are no different. As parents, we hope that our college students will have more good days than bad. But sometimes, your college student may hit a string of bad days or may seem particularly unhappy with their college experience. This is one of those times when, as parents, we may feel most helpless. In some ways, we are. It is tremendously difficult to sit back and watch your student try to work through the situation him or herself…and some students may lack the ability to make lemonades out of their lemons.

Many of today’s kids come from a house of entitlement and feel as if they need instant gratification. They move into a dorm room that is less than plush; it does not resemble the comforts of home. They may decorate to the nines and try to settle into their new residence. However, as much as they try, it will never be home. Mom is not in the kitchen making their favorite meal, fresh towels are not in their community bathroom, and they are living with a complete stranger. Our kids think that they will instantly be settled. It takes time, patience, and a lot of social networking. This is something most didn’t have to do in high school. As parents, we need to allow them to be uncomfortable and to work through the process.

Kids today have a difficult time “fending for themselves.” This is due in part to our generation of parents who have coddled and hovered during those teenage years. Many of our kids did not learn the skills they need to be independent and spread their wings. Parents rushed to their child’s aid with teachers, coaches, and homework assignments. Now, living away from home and not having that helicopter parent there to help can leave our college students flailing in the wind. This contributes to lonely and helpless feelings.

Your child needs to have a sense of belonging on campus or the feeling of “fit.” Working or being off campus can impact that feeling. Many students who spend a significant number of hours off campus, either due to work or outside activities, (more than twenty hours per week) often feel less satisfied with their college experience because they are less connected.

Social isolation also has a big impact. Students who feel alone are obviously unhappier. Even on a very large campus, it is possible for your student to feel isolated from others. These students need to be encouraged to join activities. That may be an intramural sport, Greek life, or campus government. In many cases, student dissatisfaction stems less from academic programs, residence hall conditions, or activities than from feelings of connection and fit. Encourage your child to do all that he or she can to find and connect with others.

When considering a return home, perhaps one of the first and most important things that parents need to determine is the level of certainty that their student has about that decision. Is he firm that he will not return, or is he floating the idea to measure your reaction and perhaps seek your advice? Your task will be less to tell her what to do and more to help her explore her own feelings, abilities, and options. Whatever is decided in the end, your student must be comfortable with and committed to the decision.

Some things we can do as parents:

· Listen. Take time just to hear what your student has to say and reflect on his or her thoughts. They may just need you to be a sympathetic ear.

· Help your child realize that they are not alone. Many students feel the same way at various points in their college careers. Although he or she may still be unhappy now, understanding that this is a normal phase may help to put things in perspective.

· Help them determine the validity of their complaints. Are their expectations realistic? Is their problem chronic or a one-time issue?

· Insist on honesty. Insist that your student be honest both with you and with him or herself. Don’t let them make excuses. Don’t let them gloss over real issues. Help them take a full and honest look at the situation and their place in it.

· Encourage time and patience. Sometimes issues or situations may need time to run their course. If your student is unhappy at the midpoint of a first semester and talks about transferring or dropping out, try to insist that they finish the year. A second semester is often very different. Giving the experience a chance may be all that is needed. Countless students talk about transfer during that first semester and wouldn’t consider leaving their school by the end of the year.

· Help your student reflect on their attitude and actions. What are they doing to correct or improve the situation? Have they tried to connect or talk to someone on campus or made an effort to change their approach? Help them think about whether they are working to improve the situation.

· Consider a strategy or action plan. Rather than just waiting it out, or continuing to be miserable, help your student create a plan of attack. Taking action, even in small ways, helps your student feel empowered and in control.

· If your student is considering a transfer, help them consider whether they will be taking their problems with them. Are the issues truly with the school or with themselves? What would be different somewhere else?

· Help your student think about the satisfied and happy students on campus. What is it about those happier students that make them happy? What are they doing differently? They are at the same institution and are having a better experience. Why? Are there behaviors that your student might adopt?

· Don’t set your student up with unrealistic expectations. Many of us, as college parents, may be guilty of telling our students that, “These are the best years of your life!” They may not be. Help your student realize that there will be some wonderful experiences, but there will also be some lows. College is about hard work, meeting new people (some of whom your student may not like), navigating a new world, and learning independence and responsibility. These factors can make demands on students that may, at times, seem overwhelming.

· Lastly, consider whether this college or university was truly your child’s choice or your own. Many of today’s parents press their children into making the college choice that most appeals to the parent, rather than that which feels right to the child. The same can be said for college majors, dormitories, and even first-semester courses. If your son or daughter never wanted to attend this institution, their unhappiness may be a sign that they need to make the choice that is right for them.

The college experience is a roller coaster for most students. The good times are particularly exhilarating, and the lows are particularly deep. The student who is prepared for the emotional changes will better weather those changes. Although, as a parent, you cannot change the experiences, you can help your student learn from, value, and grow through the experiences.

02 Nov

November 2, 2022November 21, 2022Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW Life Transitions

When Life Throws Us a Curveball: Redefining Ourselves through Difficult Life Transitions

By Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW

There are times in every person’s life where we are faced with transitioning into a new phase of our journey. For some, these are planned or natural transitions such as school, marriage, children, career advancements, etc. However, there are also many times when we are forced to face unforeseen, unplanned, and often difficult, life changes. These trying times are typically the moments that challenge us both physically and mentally, requiring us to grow and redefine ourselves in previously unimagined ways.

While natural life transitions are typically manageable, these unexpected changes can cause tremendous amounts of stress, anxiety, and fear. What do we do when we are faced with having to make life decisions, we may not feel we have adequate answers to? How do we cope with the stresses these transitions bring? How do we not lose ourselves as we grow in these experiences? Simply put, how do we move forward?

There may not always be an easy answer to these questions, but the concepts below are a good place to start.

Identify a Support System – During difficult times, it is essential to know who we can count on to support physical and emotional needs as they arise. Connect with those supports often and directly communicate the desire to be there for one another through these transitions.

Become Informed – Many times during life changes, we will be asked to face the unfamiliar. It is important to become informed and well-educated on options and facts regarding the situation at hand.

Ask for Help – Whether it be a trusted friend or family member within your identified support system or a trained professional, recognize the importance of asking for help. Know that you are not alone on this journey and there is always someone who can walk with you if you are willing to let them. Asking for help is never a sign of weakness; it is always a sign of strength.

Make Time for Yourself – If you have been placed in a position where you are now taking on a new role in life, it is so important to keep the things that make you feel like yourself in your daily routine. Make time for yourself and the things that bring you joy. In high-stress times, we should be purposeful in prioritizing our needs as individuals. When redefining ourselves we must always find ways to keep who we are at our core alive and well.

Allow Yourself Space to Grow – Full transitions don’t often happen overnight. There is a process of learning, changing, and growing. Be kind to yourself during this process. Allow yourself time to shift gears and figure things out. If you must make a difficult decision quickly, remember that many changes can be temporary if needed. Do the best you can and give yourself intentional grace during these times.

Know It’s Okay to Not Feel Okay Sometimes – As a society, it often seems frowned upon to be open and honest that one is struggling. There may not be a better time to break that stigma. A large number of people are really struggling right now, in one capacity or another. Have empathy for others and yourself.

Get Help for Depression or Anxiety – While it’s normal and okay to feel down sometimes, it is also important to recognize if you are having increased feelings of “not being okay” or if you have been experiencing negative or harmful thoughts for extended periods of time. Take this as a sign and opportunity to reach out for help from your doctor or mental health professional.

Seek Hope – When we are thrown into the unknown, there is so much uncertainty. Many times this can become incredibly overwhelming and cause us to lack hope for the future. In these moments it’s important to seek hope. Find things that you can look forward to. Create goals for your future, things you want to do or accomplish. Intently look for positives throughout your day. It may be as simple as acknowledging the sun is shining, but over time finding these small glimpses of hope and joy will wire your brain to more optimistic ways of thinking.

Consider “Kintsugi” as a Metaphor for Transition- Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with melted gold. The concept is built on the idea that, in embracing flaws and imperfections, we can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.

While the past several years, for many, have been years of uncertainty, fear, grief, and change, we must remember that this has also been a time where we gained strength and resilience. It has set us up to be much more equipped to work through any challenging transitions we may face in years to come. We may at times still feel broken, but, just like the Japanese art of Kintsugi, we are allowed to use our brokenness to create something new that has meaning. Together we can choose to see the beauty in the broken. We can lean on one another to be the golden glue when we feel disconnected. Dare we suggest that this could even be the silver lining in redefining ourselves during difficult life transitions?

This idea that we are asked to keep all the pieces of ourselves and shift them into something new is a unique request. It is often a difficult task, but the opportunity to mold ourselves into someone that has grown in strength and resilience is a very powerful thing. With the new year comes a renewed understanding that we are still beautifully crafted individuals. We can find peace in knowing that we are capable of facing the curveballs life will throw our way and we can find hope in believing we are worthy, more than ever, of the promises our future holds.