August 2022 - West County Behavioral Health

16 Aug

August 16, 2022November 21, 2022Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW Teen Stress

Back To School: Acknowledging and Understanding School Stress

By Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW

“Back to School”… three words that typically hold some level of both excitement and worry for children and parents alike. Parents are excited for some return to “normalcy” while also feeling worried about all the new hurdles the school year could hold for their family. Children on the other hand are usually excited to see friends but also aware that going back to school might mean more stress or anxiety in their life. It’s safe to say that school stress is a very real thing for both children and their adult caregivers.

So, what do we do with these mixed emotions about going back to school? Specifically, the feelings that are causing us some level of emotional discomfort. The answer here is to first acknowledge it. Acknowledging these feelings allows us to start to process them. For adults, we may be able to acknowledge these emotions on our own but for some children, guidance may be needed in starting this conversation and self-reflection. As the adult, it is encouraged to provide a safe emotional space for your child to discuss how they are feeling about going back to school. A safe emotional space is created by using active listening and non-critical conversation. It is also important to recognize the importance of not trying to “fix it” but more so being present with the child as they acknowledge these feelings that exist. Practice sitting in the uncomfortableness of these feelings together. Acknowledge the feelings then move forward to processing.

When we think about processing our back-to-school emotions, specifically the negative ones, we can benefit from writing them down. After writing down our worries or concerns we can prioritize them to determine which worries hold the most weight for us or are causing the largest amount of stress. We then tackle those “big worries” first. Many times, children’s worries are about the unknown or based on past school experiences. With some problem-solving skills, together, you can support your child in answering questions or figuring out who they can go to if they need more clarification about something. Some questions may not have quick or easy answers. If that is the case, it’s important to consider what strategies could be used to reduce anxiety when there is a lingering “unknown”. Many times, when there are too many “unknowns” for children they begin to show signs of needing more control through undesired behaviors. Answering questions and providing a space to figure out as many stressors as possible can reduce some of that back-to-school anxiety as well as a potential increased need for control.

It’s important for parents and caregivers to remember that children’s brains are still learning how to navigate difficult or confusing transitions. They need frequent guidance and support in learning how to handle difficult emotions and situations in a healthy way. School can be looked at as a child’s full-time job. They are there 7-8 hours a day Monday through Friday. They have expectations they are expected to meet and are evaluated daily on their performance and increase in skill. They may encounter peer struggles and have difficult or confusing interactions with their teachers. For most adults, the demand of their job is at times stressful so it’s only natural that children would feel this way too about their “job”. Considering this perspective allows us, adults, to have ongoing empathy for a child and their return to school. It helps parents and teachers understand how children may be viewing school and the stress related to it.

With this said, it is also important that parents and educators are taking appropriate measures to handle their own back-to-school stress. Believe it or not, using the same strategies as noted above for supporting children, will also help you. Acknowledge the emotion and allow yourself space to process it with a friend, spouse, family member, or therapist. Then begin to problem solve to the best of your ability. Recognize what you DO have control of and what may take some time to figure out. For example, one thing parents do have control over is how they discuss their own back-to-school stress in front of children. It’s important to be mindful of the way adults talk about school as it can set the tone for a child’s opinion of it too.

By acknowledging and processing back-to-school feelings, you are allowing yourself and your child the opportunity to understand both the thoughts and the feelings that are currently present. When we can better understand our thoughts and feelings, we are more in tune with what supports or strategies we may need to utilize to get us through the situation at hand. School is undoubtedly both a source of happiness and stress for children and parents. By working together, the upcoming school year can be approached with courage, optimism, and excitement for all of the good things this year could bring.

11 Aug

August 11, 2022November 21, 2022Hadley McIntyre, MSW, LMSW Help with teens

Your Greek Letters DO Not Define You

By Hadley McIntyre, MSW, LMSW

It is that time of year again – The buzzword around my therapy room lately has been “recruitment”, formally known as rush. ‘What do I wear?’ ‘What do I say?’ ‘I absolutely must be in XYZ house because that is THE house.’ The truth is that nothing can prepare you for the chaos and confusion that recruitment week will bring into your life. Recruitment season is exciting, chaotic, maddening, and exhausting all wrapped into one. While these emotions can be overwhelming, there are some keys to surviving recruitment season.

The most important thing you can do to not just survive but to thrive is to be your true and authentic self. When going through recruitment you are searching for what will become your home away from home. Who wants to be a part of a home that they had to pretend their way into? You should be striving for a home where you feel comfortable, where you can be yourself, and where you feel safe. At the end of the day, being a part of the coolest house on campus won’t matter if you are having a really hard day and you don’t have a house of friends to turn to.

Another thing to keep in mind while going through the process is knowing that every feeling you are feeling is valid. Recruitment isn’t always the happy experience that we see on “Bama Rush Tok” or every cheesy and generic college movie ever made. It can be exhausting, infuriating, exciting, and at times disappointing. You may find yourself questioning your self-worth. Many of these houses will try to make you second guess every move you make. The bottom line is that you matter. You are worthy of love and acceptance. I beg each and every one of you – do not let the recruitment process take your worth. Those Greek letters do not define you. Keep in mind that those members you are trying so hard to impress have been up since 5 am preparing for you that day, and are trying just as hard to impress you as you are them. They have been exactly where you are. They are feeling a mix of emotions as well.

Lastly, keep an open mind. There are so many twists and turns – both good and bad – during the process. That so-called “bottom tier” house might be the house where you meet your future maid of honor. That house that cut you might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Even

if recruitment ends up not being for you, it is a fabulous way to meet new people and see parts of campus before the hustle and bustle of school begins.

Parents – This is a process that from your end is likely anxiety-inducing and sometimes heartbreaking. You’ve spent the past 18 years raising this outstanding human being whom you have just sent away to be on their own for the first time, and it may not go as either of you planned. Here are some things you can do to make this transition easier on you and your child:

1. LISTEN! Be an ear for your college student to vent. Give advice when it is asked for but keep in mind that listening is the biggest asset for your college student. Let them laugh, cry, scream, and do whatever else they might need. Remember you are their safe space.

2. If you’re able to visit, plan a visit after a few weeks of school starting. Let them get settled and comfortable on their own.

3. Reiterate to your college student the importance of choosing a house where they feel at home – not the coolest house on campus.

4. If recruitment doesn’t pan out or Greek life isn’t for them, help them identify other groups or organizations they can join prior to even stepping foot on campus. A support system at college is essential. There are plenty of options on college campuses – anything from student associations to the movie-watching club. There are endless

options!

5. Remind your child just how amazing they are.

6. Have a conversation with your college student that being dropped is a possibility. Piece together a Plan B so they don’t end up in their dorm room alone for the rest of the week.

7. Help your college student find their new path. Whether that path includes Greek life or not, this is the beginning of four imperative years.

8. If you were a member of a sorority, don’t push them too hard to follow in your footsteps. You never know if the experience that you had will be the same experience that your child is searching for.

As someone who had a firsthand look into Greek life, I want parents and college students to know that being in a Greek organization can be awesome, but there are plenty of other fun and fulfilling ways to keep you busy while at school. As cliché as this will sound, you will end up exactly where you are meant to be. So, take a deep breath, be yourself, and remember that the letters which might soon adorn your shirt do not define who you are. You are starting college and you have the world at your fingertips. Don’t limit that experience by feeling the need to earn a particular set of Greek letters or by trying to be someone you aren’t – just be authentically YOU.