November 2022 - West County Behavioral Health

22 Nov

November 22, 2022November 22, 2022Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW Family, Grief

Add Grief to Your Holiday Guest List

By Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW

The past two years, right around October, I have attended funerals for family members of close friends. As we somberly drove away from one of these services, I remember telling my husband that we need to check in on this friend around the holidays. Holidays can be hard in the best of times, but doubly so when we are in grief.

Our hope and intention, of course, is always for the holiday season to be a time of celebration and happiness. We may go through the unavoidable moments of stress, but all in hope and preparation to gather together with loved ones and experience the “Joy of Christmas.” Unfortunately, for some who are grieving, joy may not be at the forefront of their holiday plans. There are a lot of “firsts” during the grief process that can bring up difficult emotions for someone who has experienced loss – and first holidays without a loved one can be among the most difficult.

Especially around the holidays, it’s kind to be aware of how grief might be impacting those around us. To do this, we first recognize that people grieve for all kinds of reasons and in many different ways. Some common causes of grief include the death of a loved one, a loss or change in job, divorce or marital separation, fertility struggles, the ending of a friendship, a new medical diagnosis, the loss of a pet, and military deployment. What can we do to support those grieving this holiday season?

Invite them AND their grief to your holiday party ~

If you invite someone who is grieving to your holiday event, you must also be open to welcoming their grief. This means accepting them and their emotions exactly where they’re at. You may even consider reaching out to them individually to let them know that if their grief shows up, it is a welcomed guest.

Don’t overcompensate, Don’t avoid ~

It can be easy to want to help the grieving person be happy. We may consider having an overly cheerful demeanor while ignoring their grief, which is sometimes termed toxic positivity. Many of us are uncomfortable addressing hard emotions; it’s easy to avoid saying anything at all about the loss to a grieving person. The most helpful response is one in the middle of these two extremes – don’t avoid the loss entirely, but also don’t try to push happiness onto the grieving person. Simple acknowledgment can sometimes be the best choice: “I am so glad you’ve joined us, I know that right now is a sad time for you and your family.” Recognize your own feelings about grief and how you may need to adjust to best support your grieving person.

Allow hard conversations ~

Be open to asking how people are doing. Be just as open to their honest response, especially if it isn’t a “happy” one. Consider acknowledging the name of the loss and recognize the importance of it to your grieving person. For example, “Your mom always made the best Christmas cookies. I’ve been thinking about her and you a lot lately. Would you like to come over sometime soon and make cookies together in honor of her?”

Pay Attention ~

Look for the less obvious signs of grief, which might include body language or avoidance of social interactions. When someone is sitting quietly alone, standing to the side with their arms crossed, or seems withdrawn at a gathering, consider engaging in conversation with them. If a grieving person declines attending a social event, you may consider asking them to spend time one on one in a more laid-back setting. Pay attention to how your grieving person is behaving. Check-in on those who you know have experienced a loss and offer support when possible.

At the end of the day, the most important thing to do is allow a grieving person space to come as they are. Using these strategies can help us prepare for all guests to feel emotionally safe and supported. Adding grief to your guest list might be the best gift you can give a grieving person this year.

21 Nov

November 21, 2022November 22, 2022Hadley McIntyre, MSW, LMSW Leadership

Regaining Our Personal Power

By Hadley McIntyre, MSW, LMSW

It is the easiest thing in the world to allow those around us to take power over our decisions, our actions, and our sense of self. We do it all the time. It may look like letting your friend’s criticism cause you to lose confidence in yourself, or maybe by falling victim to a guilt trip even when you know you have not done anything wrong. It might even be as simple as letting a coworker’s bad mood ruin your day. There are likely a number of people in your lives who take your energy, your time, and your resources without thinking twice about it. Sometimes, when we give up our power it is extremely obvious, other times it is subtle, and we have no idea that it even happened.

Power can be construed as a negative word in our society. It is often thought of as using intimidation or force to get what one wants. But the power I am referring to in this article is personal power – the power to make decisions for ourselves simply because it is what is best for us, to feel how we feel without feeling bad about it, and to at times meet our own needs over the needs of others. How can we do this? Here are some tips to get started down the path of regaining your personal power:

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential in regaining and keeping one’s power. One of the best pieces of advice I have ever heard is the following – “No is a complete sentence”. We can say “no” to whatever is asked of us if we feel that it is the right answer. It does not matter if the person we are saying “no” to does not like the answer.

Recognize that you are not responsible for others’ emotions

The only emotions we are responsible for are our own. We cannot take responsibility for how others feel, and we cannot feel guilty when our boundaries make others in our lives upset.

Speak up when someone hurts you

Every time we remain silent when someone mistreats us, we hand that person our power and permission to do it again.

Identify your values and live by those values unapologetically

Values can be simply defined as the things in your life that are valuable. Everyone’s values will look different. It is our responsibility to clearly define what our values are and to live a life that is in line with them.

Stop trying to prove others wrong

Do what you do because you love to do it, and because it’s what’s right for you. When we make choices in life or follow a certain path in an attempt to prove others wrong, we give away our power.

Recognize that your self-worth is not determined by how others feel about you

This piece of advice may be the hardest for me to follow. It is so easy for all of us to determine our self-worth based on how many likes we get on Instagram or views on our latest TikTok. At its best, our self-worth should come from within. Do your best to not allow the opinions of others to impact your self-worth.

STOP carrying resentment

Resentment only affects the person carrying it. The person you are resenting probably doesn’t even know it, and if they do, they probably don’t care. Holding onto resentment is like swallowing rat poison with the expectation that it is going to kill the rat.

Own your emotions

Your emotions matter. They are essential and should be your top priority. There are no invalid emotions. Own your emotions and don’t be afraid to share them with the world.

Only you can make yourself happy. Start the journey to regaining your personal power. The journey won’t be easy, but it will be beyond worth it. My hope for you is that once you have taken ownership of that personal power back, you will utilize it. Use that power to create a life that feeds your soul and brings pure joy. Personal power isn’t meant to control anyone. There is only one goal in reclaiming your personal power – being your authentic self.

02 Nov

November 2, 2022November 21, 2022Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW Life Transitions

When Life Throws Us a Curveball: Redefining Ourselves through Difficult Life Transitions

By Katelyn Siebert, MSW, LCSW

There are times in every person’s life where we are faced with transitioning into a new phase of our journey. For some, these are planned or natural transitions such as school, marriage, children, career advancements, etc. However, there are also many times when we are forced to face unforeseen, unplanned, and often difficult, life changes. These trying times are typically the moments that challenge us both physically and mentally, requiring us to grow and redefine ourselves in previously unimagined ways.

While natural life transitions are typically manageable, these unexpected changes can cause tremendous amounts of stress, anxiety, and fear. What do we do when we are faced with having to make life decisions, we may not feel we have adequate answers to? How do we cope with the stresses these transitions bring? How do we not lose ourselves as we grow in these experiences? Simply put, how do we move forward?

There may not always be an easy answer to these questions, but the concepts below are a good place to start.

Identify a Support System – During difficult times, it is essential to know who we can count on to support physical and emotional needs as they arise. Connect with those supports often and directly communicate the desire to be there for one another through these transitions.

Become Informed – Many times during life changes, we will be asked to face the unfamiliar. It is important to become informed and well-educated on options and facts regarding the situation at hand.

Ask for Help – Whether it be a trusted friend or family member within your identified support system or a trained professional, recognize the importance of asking for help. Know that you are not alone on this journey and there is always someone who can walk with you if you are willing to let them. Asking for help is never a sign of weakness; it is always a sign of strength.

Make Time for Yourself – If you have been placed in a position where you are now taking on a new role in life, it is so important to keep the things that make you feel like yourself in your daily routine. Make time for yourself and the things that bring you joy. In high-stress times, we should be purposeful in prioritizing our needs as individuals. When redefining ourselves we must always find ways to keep who we are at our core alive and well.

Allow Yourself Space to Grow – Full transitions don’t often happen overnight. There is a process of learning, changing, and growing. Be kind to yourself during this process. Allow yourself time to shift gears and figure things out. If you must make a difficult decision quickly, remember that many changes can be temporary if needed. Do the best you can and give yourself intentional grace during these times.

Know It’s Okay to Not Feel Okay Sometimes – As a society, it often seems frowned upon to be open and honest that one is struggling. There may not be a better time to break that stigma. A large number of people are really struggling right now, in one capacity or another. Have empathy for others and yourself.

Get Help for Depression or Anxiety – While it’s normal and okay to feel down sometimes, it is also important to recognize if you are having increased feelings of “not being okay” or if you have been experiencing negative or harmful thoughts for extended periods of time. Take this as a sign and opportunity to reach out for help from your doctor or mental health professional.

Seek Hope – When we are thrown into the unknown, there is so much uncertainty. Many times this can become incredibly overwhelming and cause us to lack hope for the future. In these moments it’s important to seek hope. Find things that you can look forward to. Create goals for your future, things you want to do or accomplish. Intently look for positives throughout your day. It may be as simple as acknowledging the sun is shining, but over time finding these small glimpses of hope and joy will wire your brain to more optimistic ways of thinking.

Consider “Kintsugi” as a Metaphor for Transition- Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with melted gold. The concept is built on the idea that, in embracing flaws and imperfections, we can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.

While the past several years, for many, have been years of uncertainty, fear, grief, and change, we must remember that this has also been a time where we gained strength and resilience. It has set us up to be much more equipped to work through any challenging transitions we may face in years to come. We may at times still feel broken, but, just like the Japanese art of Kintsugi, we are allowed to use our brokenness to create something new that has meaning. Together we can choose to see the beauty in the broken. We can lean on one another to be the golden glue when we feel disconnected. Dare we suggest that this could even be the silver lining in redefining ourselves during difficult life transitions?

This idea that we are asked to keep all the pieces of ourselves and shift them into something new is a unique request. It is often a difficult task, but the opportunity to mold ourselves into someone that has grown in strength and resilience is a very powerful thing. With the new year comes a renewed understanding that we are still beautifully crafted individuals. We can find peace in knowing that we are capable of facing the curveballs life will throw our way and we can find hope in believing we are worthy, more than ever, of the promises our future holds.